User:The Man in Question

I am the Man in Question (MIQ, that is). However, I may not be the man in question^a — especially since I may not even be a man (although I am, in case you were wondering). I am now going to tell you the story of my life. You may choose wether or not to believe it. I chose to believe it once, but then someone told me I was being gullible, so now I go around doubting everyone's stories — I even doubt people's templates (German-Jewish? Bah! I've never heard of a country called Germa, or one called Jewland). There are five different ways you can read my story, but all are exactly the same (just in different formats), so it won't make too much difference how you read it.

[edit] For people with short attention spans

When my grandfather died of trichinosis, I was shipped off to boarding school. My least favorite teacher at Gravier Academy was Esther Parj (whom everyone called Es), a crabby woman who always seemed to find a way to turn the day's subject to the Middle Ages. It was from her that I learned that Jews, though formerly forbidden from owning land, were some of the first bankers.

I finally graduated and went to a small college in Grand Rapids, Michigan. It was there that I met Kit Van Artog, my future wife. Our wedding was held in Budapest, in the cave church under Gellert Hill. I still remember the Roman candles.

[edit] For people with mediocre attention spans

The first thing I remember is waking up. Before then, I had been asleep. But when I awoke, I was in school. I remembered, ever so faintly, the death of an uncle. The class, naturally, was U.S. history. Mrs. Lana Danver was describing how Jews had gone to Shanghai to escape oppression in Germany in the 1940's, when in walked the girl of my dreams — Lea Elwyn Lock.

Lea Elwyn Lock — the name does a pirouette in your mouth every time you say it. Lea had blonde hair, blue eyes, and an exotic sort of beauty that doesn't generally accompany people of English decent. Yet a Lock she was — and, unfortunately for me, a Lock she would always be, for which neither I nor any other soul in this world (or the previous) had the key.

I moved to Budapest the following year. Lea never knew my name — but then, my name doesn't exactly dance along the tongue. Alphonse Pow, after all, packs a little too much punch to go adagio through the lips. Instead, I studied that great Magyar called Sándor Petőfi, whose immortal words still ring in my ears:

If, my lady, you are the heavens,

I'll make myself a star;

If, my lady, you are hell,

I'll damn myself for you.^[2]

[edit] For (gullible) people with long attention spans

When I was born, I was named Alphonse.^b As lovely a name as that may be, its origins are less than romantic. I was thus named because my mother, Constance, had a fixation for the T.V. show ALF, which came out almost four months before I was born.

My earliest memory is the first day of preschool. The only person who was nice to me was Rea Baaski. I also remember my teacher being Mr. Arol. This probably isn’t true, however, since (as I remember it) he was my teacher till seventh grade.

Rea and I grew up as best friends. She had brown hair, brown eyes, and a classical beauty. I didn’t. Not that that mattered.

When I was thirteen, Rea started going out with Leon Sanch. Alone in the world, I turned to my only other interest: history. Ty Arol, the teacher, was a soda fountain of knowledge, from which flowed every flavor but ginger ale (which isn’t worth flowing, anyhow). It was he who taught me about Cidelus, the Jewish physician who angered Pope Gregory VII over his close ties with the Spanish royalty.

Then, senior year, my brother-in-law (who had steadily supplemented my mother's income as a barrista) died. We moved to D.C. so my mother could get a job as a grimgribber in the U.S. government. And so it was that I graduated in our nation's capital, 573 miles from my home town and the girl of my dreams.

After graduating, I went to the farthest-away place I was willing to go — Budapest. There I lost touch with the world and immersed myself in the lore of the turul — the Hungarian falcon.

Finally, in 2006, I received a federal grant from the U.S. government to hunt for evidence of the turul. Unfortunately, I found nothing but the detritus of former Soviet rule. Discouraged, I moved back to the U.S.

I moved to New York to get a degree in linguistics. While living in the Village, I met Miss Baaski again. After their fling in Middle School and High School, she and Leon had parted ways. On February 12, 2007, Rea and I were married. I am currently pursuing a doctorate in diachronic linguistics.

[edit] For people who just like to look at pictures

[edit] For people who speak Drāwk/Cąb

Drāwk (or, as it's called in the Southern Asu, Cąb) is the language of the indigenous Toirtap people of the Asu Region of Northern Acirema. I learned it while doing missionary work there four years ago. The following text is my story in Drāwk:

Gni pirgmirgś reḥt ōmym — foh cumō otot de netsil gni vąhret fanō os de idreḥt — afym em (rōfyl et anut rōfnu). Alfonz Pąu de mansāwi ni arbeḥt deriu qertaḥt, ś'rettam ni trams śa wohwreḥt afym foplē hehth tiw. Reb birgmirg, asāw Constąnz reḥt ōmym. Tituōbak (niḥt D) natnē moma rōfpot suō y fiddō y rē vostņ sih cihwlat ipsoh ąnin robsāwi.

Maḥar ba yl-bąb orpsāwē manla erś Ąlberḥt Ainstain, taḥt emth guat Zęlah Vunn, rehcā et y rotsihym er eḥw perplō brataēm dellornē'st nerapym enin sāwi, n’eḥw yl-lacif icepsrē tal Sraēy lareveś.

Y tua eb fōtros ni Alpād nąsē y enē ergriah derdā heḥs. Ś’ma erdym fol rigeḥt Deana Chelovsky, tē miraē y roi nujym ni.

Y lękil nusāw tith girsāwi reḥtē em reved luō witaḥt sāw ti, y lękil nuwoh de z’ilā eri asueḥt ni (gni vil). Tsepa, dub ni de — vil oḥws śertca nais — sura saweḥs. Rehfō erut cipawasi n’aēm yl’pmi sitem y byl (…et anut rōfnu).

[edit] Notes

[edit] Reference

This user is a member of the Association of Wikipedians Who Dislike Making Broad Judgments About the Worthiness of a General Category of Article, and Who Are in Favor of the Deletion of Some Particularly Bad Articles, but That Doesn't Mean They Are Deletionists The motto of the AWWDMBJAWGCAWAIFDSPBATDMTD is Est omnino difficile iudicare inclusionis meritum cuiusdam rei in encyclopædia cum ratio sciendi quid populi referat incerta sit, sed nihilominus aliquid encyclopædiam dedecet, which translates to, "it is generally difficult to judge the worthiness of a particular topic for inclusion in an encyclopedia considering that there is no certain way to know what interests people, but some topics nevertheless are not fit for an encyclopedia." This motto reflects the desire of these Wikipedians to be reluctant, but not entirely unwilling, to remove articles from Wikipedia.