Etiquette in Canada and the United States

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As expectations regarding good manners differ from person to person and vary according to each situation, no treatise on the code of etiquette can ever be complete. As the perception of behaviours and actions vary, intercultural competence is essential in a society as diverse as northern North America (the United States and Canada). Lack of knowledge about the customs and expectations of others can make even the best intentioned person's actions seem rude, foolish, or worse.

Codified western etiquette is traditionally based on those codes developed in the Victorian era. Etiquette has of course evolved since that era, but should not be confused with cultural "norms" or "expectations." While proper etiquette varies throughout different societies and cultures, it does not, unfortunately, always match the common behavior followed by most people in the society or culture.

Contents 1 Shared culture 2 Distinct identities 3 European traditions 4 Changing expectations 5 Consideration 6 Etiquette of Etiquette 7 Self Identity 8 Generalizations 8.1 Age and appearance 8.2 Direction 8.3 Distinctions 8.4 Driving 8.5 Eye contact 8.6 Flowers 8.7 Gifts (Entitlement to) 8.8 Handshakes 8.9 Hats 8.10 Honorifics and Titles used with Names 8.11 Hygiene 8.12 Invitations 8.13 Masculinity 8.14 Meals 8.15 Money 8.16 Multiculturalism 8.17 Parents 8.18 Pointing 8.19 Pregnancy 8.20 Profanity 8.21 Doorways 8.22 Reserve 8.23 Restaurants 8.24 Seating 8.25 Shoes 8.26 Thank You Notes 8.27 Toasting 8.28 Visiting/ Receiving Guests in your Home 8.29 Waiting 8.30 Weddings 8.31 Workers 9 Priority of Etiquette Issues 10 Issues in Canada 10.1 Aboriginal people 10.2 Francophone relations 10.3 Politics 10.4 Canada Flag 11 Issues in the United States 11.1 African Americans 11.2 US Flag 11.3 Language etiquette in the U.S. 11.4 Latinos 11.5 Indigenous People 11.6 Yankees 12 See also 13 References

[edit] Shared culture

• Canada and the United States are each a heterogeneous society containing a multitude of subcultures. Nevertheless, many expectations regarding good and bad behavior apply to both nations. Canadians are especially familiar with the expectations of American society, having not only been privy to American movies for generations (like the rest of the world) but to American television as well.

[edit] Distinct identities

• While Canada and the United States are similar in some respects, each is a separate country with its own distinct national identity. Insinuating otherwise is disrespectful to both.

[edit] European traditions

• Besides similarities based on proximity, both Canada and the United States share cultural and linguistic heritage originating in Europe, and as such some generalizations regarding points of etiquette in Europe are applicable in Canada and the United States as well, especially in more formal settings and wherever European traditions are strongest.
• This means that points of etiquette listed in conjunction with France are often relevant in regards to French Canadians, points of etiquette applicable in Latin America are often relevant in regards to America’s Spanish-speaking community and so on.

[edit] Changing expectations

• The exceptions regarding etiquette mentioned in this article have never been universal in Canada and the United States, and many points of etiquette are less observed than they were in the past. This does not make these rules incorrect or irrelevant.
• Certain issues discussed in this article may be unfamiliar to many people who have lived in Canada or the United States their entire lives, especially if they weren't raised in a family environment where these issues were considered important.
• Even points of traditional etiquette that are ignored by many people can be useful to know, particularly when the person one hopes to impress (or at least not offend) is one who does not ignore that particular point of etiquette.
• One should not use one's culture as a reason for not following standard western etiquette rules. Unfortunately, doing so is most often an excuse to be less gracious for convenience sake, and is rarely cited as a reason to be more gracious. For example, saying "Well, most people in my culture don't send thank you notes" is clearly an excuse -- no culture condones being ungrateful.

[edit] Consideration

• Etiquette is meant to establish appropriate behavior. Though etiquette rules may seem arbitrary at times, these are the situations in which a common set of accepted customs help to eliminate awkwardness. Etiquette is not always meant to make others feel at ease or comfortable. Sometimes the appropriate actions are correct even if they are uncomfortable. Etiquette is in effect during negative situations as well as during positive ones.
• Etiquette codes are based on being sensitive to the perceptions and feelings of others, and the intention not to offend. Lighting a cigarette in someone's home without asking first, calling someone too late at night, failing to thank and compliment a host, using a mobile phone in a theater, taking the last bite of a dish without offering it to others and many other examples of bad manners fall into this category.
• While the idea of consideration is universal, expectations regarding it vary greatly among different people in different situations. For example, behavior aptly regarded as boisterous in an elegant restaurant might seem oddly restrained in an eatery next to a stadium after the home team has won a big game.

[edit] Etiquette of Etiquette

• Perhaps the highest tenet of western etiquette is that it is inappropriate to tell others they are not following proper etiquette, unless 1) they are specifically asking you to tell them whether they are being rude, or 2) the person is under your instruction, such as is the case with a parent, babysitter, teacher, or supervisor.
• One should never attempt to preemptively excuse themselves from rudeness. "I don't mean to be rude, but..." is never an appropriate beginning to a conversation.
• When in an extreme situation where someone's rudeness is causing an intolerable issue, one should bring it to the attention of the person in charge, such as a facility's management, or police. If a situation occurs in your own home, it is appropriate for the host to speak to the person in question (privately if possible), and if necessary one has the option of asking the offending individual to leave, but not to "tell him off."
• Judgements of individuals is of course a personal matter, and it is not incorrect to hold certain beliefs about people. However, these opinions should remain private and should not be shared with others in polite company.

[edit] Self Identity

Individual identity is very important in the west. Each person identifies his or her own racial identity, cultural identity, gender identity, sexual orientation, etc. One should never expect another to "justify" or "prove" any of his or her identities in a social setting. Comments such as: "How can you believe you are black when only one of your grandparents is?", "Your parents are Jewish, why aren't you?", "Your family is Puerto Rican, so you should call yourself a Latino," and "How do you know you are gay if you have never been with someone of the opposite sex?" are all extremely crass. Such issues are not the business of anyone but the individual in question. Every person in the west has a right to classify themselves in whatever way they identify, and should not have to justify these decisions in a social setting. In non-social settings (professional, for example), these issues are considered irrelevant and there is no need for either party to discuss them unless they are germane to the conversation. Doing so may be perceived as discriminatory.

[edit] Generalizations

The following generalizations about etiquette hold true for many segments of society in both Canada and the United States:

[edit] Age and appearance

• It is impolite to ask an adult their age or weight, or on other personal physical matters. Asking someone's age is only acceptable when they are pre-pubescent. These are highly personal matters which should not be brought up except with people you are highly familiar with.
• Asking someone their weight would only be acceptable when the person is obviously physically fit, and one feels it is appropriate to comment on that fact.
• Complimenting someone on lost weight may seem a flattering gesture, but one could unwittingly be complimenting someone who has lost weight due to illness. One who has lost weight might also not want it implied that he or she was overweight before.
• Complimenting someone positively on, for example, clothing worn to a party or a new hair cut is usually gracious. However, one should take care so as not to seem flirtatious, perhaps by giving the compliment in front of a third party.
• Pointing out that one has gained weight (unless one knows he or she has been intentionally trying to gain weight) is always considered rude.
• Americans and Canadians do not necessarily give up seat on trains and buses for the elderly and disabled. A person who is young and appears healthy may in fact be unwell. For example, a young man sitting down in a crowded bus may in fact have a severe orthopedic problem and it would be rude for anyone to ask him to give up his seat or to chastise him for not doing so.

[edit] Direction

• Walking in situations such as a supermarket or shopping mall, Canadians generally follow the same general rules as drivers and will keep to their right, effectively creating two "lanes" of pedestrian traffic.
• Americans follow this pattern more loosely except when they have no choice (such on a congested city street) and are more apt to deviate from it. Still, even two people passing one another on otherwise empty sidewalk will usually each keep to the right.
• On crowded escalators (such as at subway stations) it is expected that one stands on the right side to allow people to walk on the left side. In leisure areas (such as shopping malls) this is not expected.

[edit] Distinctions

• As elsewhere, many people in Canada and the United States are proud of their distinct ethnic, national, religious, linguistic or cultural identity and may be insulted by those who fail to make the distinction. For example, a Cuban American person may be offended if confused with a Mexican American and vice versa. Likewise, there are many clear (and some often ambiguous) distinctions made among the Aboriginal peoples of Canada and failing to show sensitivity to these is likely to offend.

[edit] Driving

• If it is possible to do so safely, it is polite to thank a driver who stops or slows for you, using either a wave or a raised palm. Americans and Canadians avoid honking as a "thank you" as it may startle others and be dangerous. Most other gestures may be seen as rude if made while driving.

[edit] Eye contact

• Not looking someone directly in the eye when speaking can be seen as evasive, especially when emphasizing a specific point that might otherwise be in doubt. Prolonged eye contact, however, might be construed as either flirtatious or aggressive (or in some circumstances, a sign that the person in question is lying). In some American Indian cultures, it is considered disrespectful for a young person to maintain eye contact with an elder.

[edit] Flowers

• Certain flowers (particularly chrysanthemums or white lilies) are given only at funerals and most florists will advise against them for other occasions. As red roses typically connote romantic feeling, they are inappropriate for other circumstances. Chrysanthemums may be given on Mother's Day without funerary implications due to the homonym 'mum'.
• Flowers should not be sent to Jewish families in mourning; fruit is appropriate.
• Flowers should not be given by a guest to a host or hostess upon arrival to dinner as this burdens the host with cutting them and putting them into a vase. It is polite to have them sent earlier in the day or the day before.

[edit] Gifts (Entitlement to)

• Perhaps the single largest etiquette errors made in the west are due to the continued rising expectations of gifts. This mentality of entitlement to gifts is completely contrary to basic western etiquette but has led to many etiquette myths and rude behavior. Plainly, while gifts are common in some situations, they are never to be expected by anyone for any reason. All gifts must be looked upon as unexpected, accepted graciously, and thanks should be sent promptly. This section regrettably requires pointing out of may faux pas due to the many etiquette myths in today's western society.
• The feeling of entitlement has led to many common though incorrect practices, such as:

Asking for the receipt when receiving a gift,

Giving gift registry information to those who have not asked for it,

Inviting people to wedding showers who will not be invited to the wedding,

Requesting that gifts be "cash only",

Looking upon gifts or offers of gifts as "transferable" or "liquidatable."

• Only young children (2-10) may expect gifts at their own birthday parties, which is why these are also the only places where "party favors" for guests are also to be expected. Even then, the recipient must be gracious and thankful. People older than this should not have an expectation of gifts ^[1].
• Announcing that one has "made a donation" in lieu of giving a gift, or that one has done so in lieu of party favors is impolite as doing so 1) insinuates that the would-be recipient was entitled to or expected a gift, 2) suggests that this would-be gift was transferable, and 3) is ultimately an excuse for bragging about one's charitable donations.
• Gifts should always be accepted graciously with very, very few exceptions. One exception would be gifts with strings attached. One has no obligation to accept the "gift" of a puppy if you do not want it. Such a gift is a huge commitment and financial burden and can rightly be rejected (politely). Gifts which are meant to be insulting or are highly inappropriate may as well be returned to the giver. Giving a leather jacket to someone you know is a stringent vegan or animal rights activist would be such a situation.
• Regifting: Gifts have no strings attached (otherwise they are not really gifts). A recipient has a right to do what he wants with it, including disposing of it, selling it, or regifting it. This should be done without the original giver's awareness. Similarly, a giver should never inquire about a gift later on, as this may embarrass the recipient.
• Thanks -- Perhaps the most important aspect of giving gifts is thanks. The recipient should usually thank the giver in writing, most preferably on paper. Except for the most minor of gifts, verbal or phoned thanks are inadequate. The gift in question should be named in the letter. There are no excuses for failure to respond promptly. Thanks for gifts given on the occasion of a death may be delayed in that an extra week or two may reasonably pass due to family affairs which need attending. Thanks for wedding gifts are not excepted, though there is a common misconceptions that waiting for "matching cards" or photographs, or for the ceremony to pass are all reasons to delay thanking people (some even believe the couple has up to a year to thank guests, which is absolutely not proper etiquette). The only exception for weddings is that if the gift is received just prior to or immediately after the wedding, an extra two weeks may reasonably pass, as the couple should not be expected even to send thank you notes during their honeymoon.

[edit] Handshakes

• Hand shaking can signal a greeting, farewell, agreement, acknowledgment, respect, encouragement or closure of an arrangement.
• Many men (in the United States especially) shake hands with other men in a particularly robust fashion. They may be uncomfortable with or make a poor appraisal of a man who does not press the other's palm firmly ^[2].
• In many regions, it is considered best practice for a man to shake the hand of a woman only if she offers her hand first^[2]. This 'rule' sometimes causes awkwardness, especially in business interactions where a handshake is a sign of respect. However, it is becoming increasingly common for both genders to shake hands, especially among younger generations.
• The initiation, duration, strength and level of enthusiasm in a handshake is often set by the person of higher social status ^[2], or the initiator if no clear status distinction is made.
• A very brief and unenthusiastic handshake often indicates dislike or anger. On the other hand, vigorous shaking of the other person's hand, extended duration of the handshake and the slapping of a hand on the other person's back are all hallmarks of friendliness and enthusiasm and are almost never meant to be taken as aggressive or domineering.
• Use of an excessively tight grip usually indicates friendliness or enthusiasm as well, even when this accidentally causes pain to the other person's hand. When this grip is done on purpose as an indicator of aggression, it is invariably accompanied by a grim demeanor and piercing eye contact intended to intimidate.
• Among the Québécois and other French-speaking Canadians, shaking hands in a casual context is considered slightly unfriendly, especially between genders. Embracing loosely while lightly kissing each other's cheeks is often more appropriate for friends and family. This holds true between women and between men and women. It is not the ordinary custom for greetings between men.^[3]
• Some people, especially younger people, consider traditional handshaking overly formal and stiff, and prefer slapping, gripping, or otherwise knocking hands casually with a closed fist (giving "props" or "daps") as an indication of respect, greeting or acceptance. This may be viewed as immature, however.
• Omitting or avoiding a 'proper' handshake may be considered as an indication of a lack of interpersonal skills by some.
• If a person's right hand is missing or if the right arm is injured or unusable, then it is proper to shake left hands. Right hands are used otherwise.
• If a person's hand has become soiled or is sweaty, that person should disclose this to the other party prior to shaking hands, and handshaking may be dispensed with at the other party's option. The sick or those recovering from a contagious illness should not shake hands under any circumstance.
• Since handshaking is a potential vector for disease, the custom has been waning in certain groups: the medical profession, some sales professions, among members of fitness/health clubs, etc.

[edit] Hats

• Some people consider it impolite for men to wear hats or other head coverings indoors. It is generally acceptable to wear a hat in the corridors and elevator of a public building, but the hat should be removed upon entering a room.
• Men should always remove hats in churches, when sitting at a table for a formal meal, and when a national anthem is playing. This generally does not apply when someone wears a head covering due to religious beliefs where it is considered offensive to their faith to have their heads uncovered, such as many orthodox Jewish men.
• Traditionally (until the mid 1960s), Christian women outside of their homes usually wore hats, even while visiting others, and especially in houses of worship. However, this is mostly archaic except for a few much older women who prefer to still observe this tradition.
• A man is excepted from having to remove his hat if suffering from an illness which would cause embarrassment (e.g. a person suffering from hair loss due to cancer therapy). ^{[4] [5]}

[edit] Honorifics and Titles used with Names

• As the United States is in theory an egalitarian society, there are no social titles considered higher than "Mr.", "Ms.", "Mrs." and "Miss".
• When a person's surname is unknown, the honorifics "sir", "miss" (for very young women) or "ma'am" (regardless of marital status) should be used. "Mister" on its own (as in, "excuse me mister") can sound rude, silly or foreign ["Señor" is used as both a title and honorific in Spanish, and the literal translation is often incorrectly assumed to be appropriate in English as well by native Spanish speakers] depending on the circumstances, as can the archaic epithet "pal", which is rarely used today except in a sarcastic or hostile tone. "Young lady" or "Young man" should never be used to address anyone except pre-adolescents, as they are considered condescending and/or patronizing terms.
• Except in Canada, "Madam" is old fashioned and almost always used sarcastically today. When used as a noun rather than an honorific, it means a female pimp.
• In the 1960s, the title "Ms." was resurrected as an option to refer to any woman regardless of marital status. (This title, along with "Miss" and "Mrs." originally were all casual abbreviations of the formal and now archaic "Mistress," which of course now has a negative meaning.) It is best to use "Ms." until another preference is made known. The title "Mrs." strictly speaking, can only be used with the woman's husband's name (both first and last names). John Doe's wife, "Mrs. Doe," may be correctly referred to as "Mrs. John Doe" or "Ms. Jane Doe," but there is no such person as "Mrs. Jane Doe." However, it is polite to honor any person's personal preference once she makes it known, even if it is not in keeping with tradition.
• Professional, religious, military and political titles, such as "Judge" "Colonel" "Mayor" "Reverend" "Senator" "Doctor" "Professor" "Chef" etc. are often used in social situations, though from an etiquette standpoint those titles should not be used in strictly social circumstances where those titles are not applicable. For example, a Reverend attending a social event as a representative of his or her parish would appropriately be addressed as such, but when attending an event of his or her own family or personal friends, it may seem pretentious to insist the title be used.
• The term "Doctor" by itself is appropriate only when referring to those with M.D. degrees, and then only in a health care setting. "Dr." as a title can be used with anyone who has an earned academic doctorate, while he or she is involved in their professional setting. While the title has commonly been used since the early 20th century for medical doctors socially as well as professionally, the practice is inherently non-egalitarian, and those with other doctorates have not unexpectedly latched onto this practice as well in social settings. The original justification for this practice became very common during World War II, when it seemed it might be convenient to know in case of a medical emergency. Presently however, not all who are best suited to handle medical emergencies (such as EMTs and nurses) are M.D.'s, and not all M.D.'s are suited to handle medical emergencies. [Rather than having a retired chiropidist or psychiatrist brought forth in a true medical emergency, it is best simply to state what is happening and ask anyone capable of helping to come forward.] Ideally, no title other than Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Ms. should be used in strictly social settings, and no one in a social setting should take offense when being referred to with those titles.
• Political titles are often used inappropriately. For example, according to traditional etiquette, it is inappropriate to refer to a former U.S. President as "President..." though it is appropriate to refer to former state governors with the title "Governor..." It is difficult to know exactly how to address people with such titles. (Some believe that politicians are 'never' in strictly social settings unless with their own family or personal friends.) There are complicated rules regarding proper usage in the etiquette-related field known as protocol.
• Traditionally, titles were used with last names for most occasions with non-relatives, both socially and in the work place, unless or until one became quite friendly with someone. People in Canada and the United States today will often use first names immediately upon meeting someone ("Hi, are you John?") in a way which would seem impolite and presumptuous traditionally, and elsewhere in the world. Rather than being indicative of a callous attitude, addressing someone in this way (sometimes repeatedly during a single conversation) is often an attempt to be particularly kind, friendly or welcoming. Though not codified by etiquette, this practice is so commonplace that it is would be impossible to assume offense by the practice. At the same time, one should neither automatically assume offense is meant if not referred to by one's first name.
• Some people in the Southern United States and in families closely connected to the United States Military make more frequent use of honorifics, especially "sir" and "ma'am", as a show of respect towards people whom they do not know or those who are older. These are also in wide use in customer service. In other sectors of society, these are used much more rarely and often facetiously, or even sarcastically.
• The use of honorifics such as "Mr." and "Mrs." are still in common use in some situations, especially in professional situations. In some workplaces, the owners or managers are referred to by such honorifics, especially when there tends to be a generation gap between them and most employees. On the other hand, some owners of multi-billion dollar American companies have made it a point of pride to insist all employees call them by first name.^[6] It is generally acceptable and even a sign of respect to refer to anyone in a position of authority or from an older generation by Mr. or Mrs. until the speaker is explicitly told differently.
• It is sometimes rude for children to refer to adults by first names, sometimes not. Honorifics are most common when the adults in question are much older than the children's parents. It is common in some American cultures for children to speak to adults with honorifics and then their first name ("Miss Julia").

[edit] Hygiene

• High standards surround the handling, storage and transportation of food and the prevention of foodborne illness. Meat and dishes containing meat are allowed to go without refrigeration only briefly, cooked and uncooked foods are kept strictly separated, and hand washing is frequent. Many people will throw away any food they suspect has been compromised.
• Blowing one's nose into anything but a tissue or handkerchief,^[7] nose and ear picking, and burping, coughing, or sneezing without covering one's mouth are all considered disgusting and very rude.
• Spitting on the ground is usually viewed as offensive, or at least immature. Spitting at the ground in front of someone is a serious insult. Perhaps because it is usually considered churlish, it remains a popular habit among some boys and young men.
• Chewing with one's mouth open, slurping or making excessive noise while eating, yawning without covering one's mouth and saying "excuse me" or burping without attempting to muffle the sound are all impolite.
• When someone else sneezes, it is customary to say "Bless you" (or "Gesundheit"). The person who sneezes may say "excuse me", especially if the sneeze was especially loud or they were unprepared and need to reach for tissue. If the sneeze was messy or food is being handled, it is typical to wash one's hands immediately.
• Most Americans and Canadians shower daily and use a variety of products such as antiperspirant sprays, deodorant soaps, mouthwash, and foot powders. North Americans tend to be extremely intolerant of body odors and strong odors in general. Perfume, aftershave and other scents should be used in moderation.

[edit] Invitations

• When extending an invitation as a host(ess), it must have no "strings" attached. One cannot invite someone and then expect the guest to bring something, or even worse, to pay for part of the event or function. If this is your intention, say so up front without pretending you are "hosting." A guest should be expected only to provide his own transportation and to dress appropriately.
• Do not expect your guests to dress appropriately unless you have told them what type of dress is expected.
• When receiving an invitation, you are obliged to respond in kind as soon as possible. This means if you receive the invitation by phone, reply by phone, etc. One must accept or decline even if "RSVP" is not specified.
• Accepting an invitation is making a commitment. If you cannot be sure you can keep the obligation, simply decline the invitation. "Maybe" is not an acceptable response to an invitation. It is rude to insinuate that you would like to accept the invitation but want to keep your options open in case "something better" comes along.
• One can never cancel once you have offered or accepted hospitality. The only reasons considered acceptable for cancelling are 1) illness, 2) death in the immediate family, and 3) an intervening social invitation from the President (in the U.S.). These are the traditional reasons, and were codified for people with high social standing. Currently however, extremely important work obligations may intervene and it is understandable that some people are unable to honor a social commitment if it means losing one's job. In any case of cancellation, notification to the host or guest must be immediate, with profuse apologies.

[edit] Masculinity

• Many men avoid body contact with other males beyond a handshake, a slap on the back or (in the case of younger men) rough-housing.
• This does not necessarily imply a homophobic attitude, but it is in sharp contrast to places where men exchange embraces and polite kisses on the cheek (such as some countries in Europe) or expectations surrounding etiquette in the Middle East where men walk while holding hands and it has no romantic connotation.
• Men often avoid conversation and eye contact in a public restroom, and might only nod to a coworker with whom they would typically start a conversation. However, a conversation started outside the restroom might continue when the two men go inside and this restraint is less pronounced among close friends or when people are in high spirits, for instance at a wedding or large sporting event.
• Likewise, men typically avoid adjacent or closely-situated urinals and toilets when others are available, except when cruising for sex. Ubiquitously, it is impolite to glance at your neighbour when using the urinals.^[8]

[edit] Meals

• It is often impolite to begin eating before others are ready to begin, or to eat in front of another person without offering to share. Typically all wait for the host, eldest person present or guest of honor to say "let's begin" in some way.
• In a situation such as a large banquet table or a restaurant where the waiter has failed to bring all food to the table at the same time, it is gracious to insist that others begin eating first while their meals are still warm.
• If an alcoholic beverage is served with the meal, it is generally polite to wait for the host to drink first, as he/she may wish to offer a toast.
• Resting one's hands on the table or one's elbow on it are inappropriate for formal settings.
• Depending on the formality of situation, people often ask the host to be excused from the table, or excuse themselves, or offer explanation. In all but the least formal situations, some communication about leaving is expected, for example at least to indicate whether one will be returning.
• Once used, cloth napkins are left on the chair seat, while silverware and cutlery are left on the dinner plate with the handle resting on the edge of the plate.
• Silverware left in an "Open" position lets wait staff know you are not finished with a meal. Silverware in "closed" position, typically pointing toward the diner's right hand, lets the wait staff know they are finished with the plate. Also, sometimes crossing the fork and knife across a plate in an X is used to indicate a person will return to finish their meal.
• Although not necessary, North Americans can thank and speak to their wait and bus staff, but need not if engaged in conversation.
• During meals, conversations are usually restricted to less controversial and more inoffensive topics. Politics and religion are generally not discussed during meals, as these may lead to violent disagreements and cause not only the participants, but also the observers, to lose their appetites. Similarly, description of gory, disgusting, or shocking scenes or events is considered impolite (e.g., discussing one's gallbladder operation over a meal is generally taboo). If one works in a field where such events are commonplace (medicine, the military, etc), it is generally best to politely deflect or censor job-related conversation unless one is dining in a group of similarly employed individuals (e.g., a group of surgeons might discuss a surgical procedure over a meal without fear of impropriety). Within younger groups, although speaking of gory or disgusting things is still considered inappropriate, teenagers and young adults will sometimes speak of shocking events, politics and religion without restraint.
• Dietary restrictions, whether medical, religious or philosophical in nature, may pose many pitfalls when dining in mixed company. The polite host, if he/she knows that a guest either must avoid or prefers to avoid certain foods, should try to accommodate the guest's needs as far as he/she reasonably can. (For example, if a guest keeps kosher and the host is aware of this, the guest may expect that the host will not prepare pork or shellfish or combine meat and dairy, but it is not reasonable to expect the host to buy an entirely new set of cookware.) Likewise, the polite guest may discreetly inform the host that he/she either cannot or does not prefer to consume certain dishes, and the polite host will not press him/her to do so. If dining out, an individual with dietary restrictions should simply order something to his/her needs and not say anything more about it. Regardless of who has the dietary restriction, it is extremely rude to question or comment to someone about their preference of food at the table(e.g. asking someone who has ordered all vegetarian dishes, "What's wrong with you, don't you eat meat?", or a vegetarian asking others, "Don't you think it's cruel to eat animals?", saying to a person keeping kosher, "You just don't know what your missing by not eating this ham," or asking a diabetic "How can you stand not eating sugar?")

[edit] Money

• Some people in the United States may discuss personal wealth, possessions or success in business in a way that is widely viewed as vulgar in certain other societies. It is still taboo to ask people about their salary and in some places of work it is forbidden.^[9]
• In financial transactions, it is usual to place money neatly in the hand of the receiver and it may be rude to do otherwise. In banks, tellers count out money while setting it on the counter instead. Payment to a bartender is another exception, customarily being done by placing payment (and receiving change) on the bar. A notable exception is when giving someone a gratuity for quality of services rendered; in this case it is considered 'showy' to do anything other than give them the money in the most discreet manner the situation allows.
• Though common and even welcome in many cases, cash or a check (cheque) or gift card is not a preferred gift in social situations as it insinuates that the giver does not know the recipient well enough to pick out something he knows will be enjoyable. In very familiar situations in which a person knows the recipient's private financial circumstances well, cash may be appropriate. Another situation in which a cash gift is appropriate is when the gift is for a recipient you in fact are not expected to know socially, such as an employer giving a gift to an employee.
• If you receive a cash gift, it is polite when thanking the person to indicate what you purchased with it. In situations where the recipient may have received a large number of cash gifts at once, such as at many weddings, bar mitzvahs, or first communions, the recipient cannot be expected to go on a "shopping spree" in time to send thanks, and it is therefore acceptable to simply thank people for their "generous gift(s)."

[edit] Multiculturalism

• Expecting a Jew to remove his hat or a Muslim woman to let down her veil when visiting a Church or encouraging anyone to accept food that violates his or her dietary laws is considered insensitive by many.
• An insinuation that someone is a "foreigner", "immigrant" or "alien" rather than a true American or a true Canadian is considered rude if directed at such a person.
• References to someone's ethnic or racial identity are considered inappropriate in most circumstances and is often perceived of as discrimination, even if used for a complimentary reason.^[10]
• Whether they are Aboriginal people in Canada, Jews, African-Americans or others, many minorities may commonly use self-disparaging humor or make jokes based upon the stereotypes or realities of their own ethnic group. Such humor is considered impolite regardless of whether the person making the jokes is of that race or faith.^[11]

[edit] Parents

• In most families, children do not address their parents or grandparents by first name. This holds true even after the children themselves grow elderly.
• Young children usually call parents "mommy"(Often "mummy" in Canada) and "daddy." Once they get older, "mom" (sometimes "ma"; or "mum" in Canada) and "dad" (or "pa") become more common. "Mother" is also heard, but "Father" would be very Victorian-sounding or even sarcastic (unless speaking of the parent in the third person such as "My father is at the store").^{[citation needed]}
• Once children approach adolescence, they may occasionally call parents by their first names to be humorous or to show anger. More frequently, children refer to their parents by first names, especially when expressing exasperation and sometimes even when speaking to the other parent ("Ugh...Irene took away my cellphone for a week!")
• People in Canada and the United States with ties to French-speaking, Spanish-speaking and other linguistic communities often use non-English words for family members, especially grandparents.
• Many stepchildren call their stepparents by their first name, unless they became a blended family early in the child's life.
• Sometimes it is more appropriate for a child to refer to his or her parent by the parent's first name if there are multiple parents in close proximity. This is done to avoid many heads simultaneously turning at the mention of "mom" or "dad". On the other hand, though sometimes yelling "mom" or "dad" in this kind of situation may be done to produce humorous results.

[edit] Pointing

• Although "you shouldn't point" is still a phrase in some people's consciousness, pointing is not always taboo when combined with kind words ("Excuse me, are you next in line?") by people who are obviously pointing at someone for an appropriate reason. Pointing is also a commonly accepted form of non-verbal greeting among friends, usually accompanied with a smile. Pointing is generally considered acceptable if a person is clearly pointing to an object.
• Use of the middle finger in pointing is sometimes considered offensive, but is more often considered awkward, because the receiver doesn't know if it's meant to be offensive.

[edit] Pregnancy

• It is considered invasive and rude to touch the abdomen of a pregnant woman unless one is first invited to do so.
• One should also avoid asking a woman if she is pregnant, especially in a non-social setting. This condition is a highly personal one and is not the business of others. Any woman should be allowed to keep her personal matters to herself, no matter how obvious the matter may be to others.

[edit] Profanity

• Some forms of profanity or vulgarity are not allowed on broadcast television or radio and such language is widely discouraged in formal and business settings, as well as when children are present. Canadian television is more permissive than in the United States, ever more so in Quebec. However, pay services such as cable television or satellite radio will use varying levels of profanity/vulgarity.
• Many people use vulgarity regularly in informal settings, and, among these people, at times using these words in a person's presence can signal inclusiveness and familiarity. Generally, this is disapproved of in professional settings, although it may be tolerated in the culture of some businesses (generally male-dominated businesses that do not deal with general public / general customers).
• One should be extremely careful about choosing words which may be profane or vulgar. Beware of words learned in informal settings and from movies and music, especially if one's first language is not English. Using even one inappropriate word in the wrong setting can completely change the character of a dialog and how the speaker's personality is perceived.
• There are several forms of gestural profanity, from the mild (sticking out one's tongue or placing the thumbs of one's open hands in one's ears) to the crude ("shooting the bird" by extending the middle finger while clenching the others). Ethnic subcultures may have imported other gestures (e.g., brushing the bottom of the chin with one's hand in the direction of the intended target, or raising a fist with the elbow bent while slapping the inside of the elbow with the other hand). These are most often meant to indicate disrespect, though the milder forms may be used in a teasing manner in very informal situations. Inadvertent use of one of these gestures (e.g., adjusting one's glasses on the nose using the middle finger) may be awkward or considered crudely humorous.
• In Quebec one must be particularly cautious when speaking about the church, as many curse words are church related, this is especially true for older generations, but less so for younger ones.

[edit] Doorways

• It is generally considered polite to hold a door open (or give it an extra push open) rather than let it slam in the face of someone following you. If someone opens or holds a door open, it is polite to thank them.

• It is also polite to wait and step aside for people exiting an elevator before getting on an elevator. The same holds true for subways, trains, and buses.

[edit] Reserve

• As a guideline, on first meeting it may be impolite to ask someone if they are married or dating. During this first meeting it may also be impolite to ask a person's political views or religion.
• People typically like to have about an arm's length of personal space and may be very uncomfortable otherwise. In crowded situations less space is tolerated, but this makes some people uneasy and some avoid crowded situations when possible.

[edit] Restaurants

• In a restaurant, simply making eye contact with a server, perhaps with a nod of the head, is usually enough to get their attention. In a place that is crowded or with a server who is less attentive or perhaps very busy, "excuse me..." is appropriate if said politely. Also in wide use is a subtle lifting of the index finger (palm facing the viewer) combined with an equally subtle raising of the chin, or even just the eyebrows.
• Servers are expected to ask frequently if diners need anything. Consequently, some North Americans consider it mildly rude to make any gesture of request for service, with some exceptions. It is common for North Americans to wait silently for service for long periods of time.
• At the conclusion of a meal, it may not be necessary to call the wait staff over to the table to request the check (depending on the formality of the dining establishment) and instead merely signal for the attention of the server (as above) and then make a "check mark" motion with one's hand (sometimes while mouthing the word "check") which is commonly used to indicate the desire of the diner to receive the bill.
• Unless the service is below expectations, tips should be left for food servers in any establishment where orders are taken and food is brought to the table by an employee. US Tax Code assumes that food servers receive 8% tips on average. In practice, 15% is standard, with more or less given to reflect excellent or poor service.^[12][13] It should be noted that in the United States, many servers in restaurants earn an amount below the minimum wage, assuming tips will be given to make up the difference, and tips must also be shared with chefs, bussers, and other staff.
• Unless in a restaurant or bar that sells them, it is considered rude to smoke cigars even in the smoking section of an establishment, as many find their odor offensive.

[edit] Seating

• Good manners dictate that in most situations, such as in crowded buses, trains, or waiting rooms, people in good health surrender their seats to the elderly, young (toddlers and infants), handicapped people and pregnant women. One should not use this etiquette rule to automatically chide or judge those who appear to be in good health and are not giving up their seat. Many young people who appear healthy have severe health problems and may need the seat more than a healthy 75 year old, for example.
• The practice of men surrendering their seats to women has changed somewhat. A man should still offer to do this for his wife, older female relatives, female friends of his wife, female relatives of his or his wife's, and also pregnant women. However, making this offer to a woman with whom one is unacquainted or a work colleague especially if the woman is close in age to the man or is younger, may be seen as either sexist or flirtatious, but is still not uncommon.
• In a formal social setting, it is polite for gentlemen to stand when a female approaches a table to sit, or excuses herself from it. This is not necessary at a very large table in which not all people are involved in the same conversation.
• When enough seats are available (such as a movie theater or uncrowded bus, and especially a doctor's office), people may prefer to sit at least one seat apart. It is rude to sit next to a stranger in an uncrowded room without asking their permission first.

[edit] Shoes

• In Canada, the practice of removing one's shoes upon entering a home is quite common and may be assumed.
• Upon entering a home in the US, it is polite to ask whether one should remove one's shoes as many people observe this habit. When footwear is muddy, snowy, wet or otherwise dirty, it is especially important to ask if they should be removed and a mention should be made that they are muddy or whatever the case may be that may somehow soil the host's home.
• In the US state of Hawaii, it is viewed as rude by most to bring one's shoes into a home. Shoes are removed before entering one's home, and are left outside by the door, never inside.
• In the US, unless one arrives at the home at the same time as the host and sees them removing their shoes, or one has been to the home before and knows that a "no shoes" rule is in effect, it can be more rude to remove one's shoes without asking than it is to wear them. Removing one's shoes without asking can be construed as a sign that one is "making one's self at home" or plans to stay longer than the host desires. The question should be "should I remove my shoes?" rather than "can I remove my shoes?"
• One consideration regarding the shoe-removal issue is whether the climate of the region you are in is a cold, snowy place or a warm, sunny one. Some families may appreciate the removal of one's shoes for cultural reasons or family tradition, but the normalization of the practice can be largely attributed to the prevention of tracking black snow-sludge through people's homes. Snow and winter grime is less common in California, the Southeast and other Sunbelt states. If your shoes are relatively clean (i.e., not muddy or otherwise leaving footprints), it's likely okay to leave one's shoes on. If someone prefers you to remove your shoes, they generally will politely ask you to do so and not be offended at your mistake.
• Another consideration, even in Sun Belt regions, is the nature of the flooring. White or light colored carpets stain easily, and people with these floor coverings are more apt to request that shoes be removed before walking on them.

[edit] Thank You Notes

• Thanks may be offered for any situation. A thank you note is not required for all situations, but is never incorrect.
• Thank you letters are required for all gifts and must be sent promptly in all cases (see "Gifts" section for further details regarding funerals and weddings). They are preferably handwritten and in any case should mention the gift.
• Thanks may be in the form of another gift (in addition to a thank you note). As this would involve a gift, this would require a thank you note in turn.
• Thank you notes alone do not require thank you notes (though doing so is not incorrect).

[edit] Toasting

• Most people will lightly touch glasses when giving a toast, often saying "toast", "cheers" or a short phrase such as "to us" or "bon appetit". Toasting without touching glasses is increasingly popular and is regarded by some as a slightly more sophisticated mode of behavior.
• Except during formal occasions such as a wedding or an anniversary party for which a function hall has been rented, it is not very common to "propose a toast" in the more formal sense, such as to congratulate a celebrant on her birthday or to thank a host for his hospitality. However, when someone does make such a gesture, it is almost invariably met with approval regardless of the setting or the occasion.
• During a wedding, the "Best Man's speech," very common and according to many social mores in countries such as the UK, is a relatively unstructured and complimentary topic, usually singing the praises of the groom and sometimes bride. A full "roast" such as is common in the UK, would be seen as inappropriate and not respectful.
• If someone wants to "propose a toast as well", this second toast should have a different focus than the first, such as acknowledging the impending college graduation of a person in the room when the first toast congratulated someone on a new job. Ideally, this toast is more brief than the first so as not upstage it. Subsequent toasts, if any, should be even more succinct (e.g. "..and to Bill's new house").
• Americans and Canadians typically do a formal toast only once per gathering, if at all. Even lifting one's glass and saying "cheers" each time a new drink is poured isn't in line with local etiquette and, while not impolite, may be seen as a bit tedious.
• Americans tend to be less rigid than some Western Europeans regarding direct eye contact during toasts. Americans may be more prone to look toward the center and direct eye contact to the crowd or glasses generally, whereas in some European countries it can be seen as a sign of dishonesty or ill-will not to make direct eye contact when making a toast.
• It is considered impolite (or insulting) to not drink from a glass after a toast has been made.

[edit] Visiting/ Receiving Guests in your Home

• When visiting someone's home it is not necessary but permissible to bring a token gift such as sweets, a small toy for the host's child, a beverage to be shared, a book they think the host will enjoy, flowers for the table (sent several hours or a day ahead), etc. Even young people who observe this custom less stringently enjoy being on the receiving end. The purpose of giving such gifts is simply that--a gift; it is not meant as "payment" for hospitality.
• If you have been received multiple times in another's home, it is polite to reciprocate the hospitality in kind, either by inviting the hosts to your home, or inviting them to a restaurant or an appropriate place.
• When a guest is speaking to a host about visiting in the future, especially for an informal party or meal, it is common though not necessary for the guest to ask "Could I bring anything?" The host will often politely decline, and the guest should not further badger the host as it insinuates that he or she is unable to provide adequate hospitality, especially for more formal situations such as dinner parties. Hosts accepting such offers should be clear, but not demanding. If you don't think your guest will be able to provide exactly what you would like, politely decline the offer and obtain exactly what you like on your own.
• A host should never preemptively ask for "no gifts" as this insinuates he was expecting a gift.
• Gifts should never have strings attached. A host should always feel that she may put the gift aside for use at another time. Expecting a host to serve something you brought is rude. Cut flowers are very inconvenient when a host is preparing an elaborate meal and should only be sent in advance (preferably the day before). When in doubt, a dessert item such as a coffee cake or pie is a very safe choice as it can always be put aside.
• Bringing a dinner item, such as beef, is impolite when it is understood that the group will be sitting down together for a meal. It implies worry about the host not providing anything the visitor will enjoy and a contingency plan about not going hungry. However, such a dish is often welcome for a larger informal party (unless the hosts do not eat certain foods for religious or ethical reasons).
• A guest should not make demands as to his dietary restrictions unless first asked by the host. A guest who is worried there will be little food which he could eat should eat something before the visit, or decline the invitation if necessary.
• Hosts should not keep guests from eating for more than half an hour at the most, especially during meal times. Offering appetizers or "munchies" is a must if dinner will be delayed. Likewise, guests should not be "fashionably late" when invited for meals. Drinks (water at a minimum) should be offered within ten minutes of a guest's arrival regardless of the time of day or occasion. Hosts should not be expected to hold up meals for tardy guests, especially when other guests are waiting to eat.
• Guests should always have the option of saying, "No, thank you" to any food before it is put on his plate. If serving food to a guest, it is polite to offer it first before placing it on his plate: "Would you like some...?". Not doing so might put a guest in the uncomfortable position of having food on his plate which he has no desire to eat, due to his tastes, appetite, or dietary restrictions.
• It is sometimes polite to announce that "you are here" if you arrive through the entrance on an informal occasion. This custom holds true whether answering an invitation or dropping by unexpectedly, although the latter is almost certainly a faux pas unless the host has previously indicated that such surprise visits are welcome.

[edit] Waiting

• Waiting in line is appropriate in many situations and "cutting" the line or otherwise trying to bypass the waiting order is extremely rude regardless of age. In some countries, senior citizens will automatically step to the front of the line. This will not go over well with most North Americans. However, it is considered polite to voluntarily let those that are older or disabled to cut ahead in line.
• If it is unclear whether a person is in line or not, it is appropriate to ask, with a simple "Excuse me, are you in line?" Assuming a person is not in line when there is even the slightest possibility that they may be is always unacceptable.
• Even in situations where some people may be aggressively struggling to get past one another (such as when boarding a city bus), there may be a considerable number of people present who are trying to proceed in an orderly fashion and regarding those who are not as rude and uncouth.
• Polite people usually allow people to disembark transportation such as a bus or train before trying to board. Those who fail in this respect may be reprimanded by a transportation worker or fellow passenger.
• In a waiting area at a medical center, hair salon, or other situation, expressing impatience in such ways as loudly complaining to friends about the wait or asking the receptionist, "What's taking so long?", will rarely expedite the affair and may have the opposite effect. It is acceptable to ask for an estimate of how long the wait will be, but this should be done in a polite tone.
• When traveling on a bus, train, or sitting in a service like a church mass, it is considered polite to give up one's seat for older, disabled, or pregnant people.

[edit] Weddings

• Weddings are often an occasion for particular concern about etiquette. An important guideline is that a wedding is an event to be enjoyed by all attendees, not just by the bride alone, the wedding party, or the immediately family. Graciousness on the part of all involved helps.
• The people who the hosts want to share the day with should be the first priority, and this should be considered before selecting the "type" of wedding one wishes to have. The hosts are first and foremost obliged to provide an adequate setting for the guests, not to choreograph a certain type of reception in fulfillment of any person's "dream." To do so is an affront to the guests who supposedly are sharing a very intimate day with the bride and groom.
• Bridal party members should be selected based on closeness to the bride and to the groom. Suggesting that people should be picked in order to make the photographs look a certain way is particularly crass. If the appearance of the wedding photos is more important than the interpersonal relationships you have with those in your party, you should hire models to be in the wedding photos. The "chorus line" syndrome is not required, however formal the event may be: the bride's party and the groom's party do not need to be of matching gender: each person in the wedding party should stand with the person he or she is closest to. Also, there do not need to be equal numbers of people in the bride's and groom's parties.
• The women in the bridal party do not need to wear the same dresses or colors. With the exception of the bride, all people should be dressed to an equal formality, including the bride's and groom's parents. The bride may be dressed in a more formal gown than the rest of the wedding party.
• Wearing white is reserved for the bride (should she choose to do so). Women especially should avoid dressing in white or colors that could be mistaken for white in a dimly lit banquet hall. White combined with other colors (such as a white blouse with an outfit) is fine. Avoid wearing a dress more ostentatious than the bride's own.
• Any bride may wear white, though it may look unusual at a second, third, (etc.) wedding. The bride's sexual history is not the business of anyone but herself and her spouse to be.
• Black has become common for wedding parties, but is not considered proper etiquette for women as this is associated with funerals in the west. Dark blues and dark browns are fine. Wearing red or other extremely bright colors may be considered offensive, as it may suggest that she objects to the marriage in some way and therefore wishes to "outshine" the bride. Men should avoid starkly black business suits, or accent it with a bright tie. However proper black evening suits ("tuxedos") are fine for evening weddings, as they are by definition attire for social occasions.
• Guests should be told what level of formality and time of day the events will be. Guests should dress to the correct level of formality, neither being too casual nor too formal for the occasion, and dressing for the correct time of day.
• Guests should not be expected to wait for an extensive period of time between the ceremony and reception.
• Guests should be fed a meal if the reception is during normal meal times.
• Guests accepting an invitation are expected to provide their own transportation and proper attire at their own expense. Guests are not expected to give a gift which is meant to "cover" the expense of their dinner.
• Hosts should not include registration information, requests for cash gifts, or mention of "no gifts", nor anything else which would hint that the bride and groom are entitled to a gift. While gifts are customary, they are not expected, whether an invitation is accepted or not.
• A wedding is a very personal event, regardless of the number of guests present. Guests should know the bride or groom well enough to find a gift which they will appreciate. Cash or gift cards are therefore not preferred. Whether a gift is given or not, invited guests are obliged to express their congratulations in writing, even if declining the invitation.
• While hosts must supply beverages, they are under no obligation to provide alcohol to guests. Those who choose to do so are not obliged to provide unlimited or specific types of alcohol. While it is common for hosts to have a "cash bar" in the reception room, this is inappropriate as it indicates that the drinks are something your guests should have access to, but you are not willing to pay for them. If a host is not willing to pay for the refreshments, they should not be available within the event itself. Sometimes a bar within the establishment but not actually within the event hall can supply additional beverages to those who are not satisfied with those the host is providing.
• Though common in some circles, asking guests "where their envelope is," wishing wells, and money dances are vulgar in western etiquette, as these ostentatious displays all are blatant indications that cash gifts are expected from the guests. Anyone in the wedding party who is given an envelope by a guest should briefly thank the guest and discreetly put the envelope away.

[edit] Workers

• Getting the attention of workers such as store employees and serving staff with most gestures (such as waving someone towards you) or calling loudly for assistance is impolite. Snapping of the fingers is completely unacceptable. It is better to move toward an employee and say something along the lines of "excuse me..." Waving (as if saying hello) may also be appropriate when one has made eye contact with a worker and will usually prompt them to ask if assistance is needed.
• When dealing with workers such as waiters, store employees, receptionists, and government employees, civilities such as "please" and "thank you" are appropriate. An arrogant attitude, such as one used in dealing with servants generations ago, is not.
• Most people in Canada and the United States have these sorts of jobs during at least some stage of their lifetime. Even when the worker in question has less than perfect manners, dealing with such people graciously is more indicative of "high class" than the amount of money one spends.
• Effusive over-familiarity, such as is somewhat common in American customer service, is not prevalent in Canada and may interpreted as disrespectful, insincere, or gauche.
• In some areas, it is seen as acceptable for a female customer (usually over the age of 30; the age of the clerk doesn't matter) to address a female clerk or store attendant with the title "hon," especially in situations where the clerk may have made an innocent mistake. Professionals should avoid this practice however as it is often considered patronizing to use this and similar terms, such as "dear," "sweetie", "darling", "doll", "honey" etc., to either men or women.
• Civilities by clerks are sometimes used so effusively that they can lose their sincerity or desired effect. Such terms as "thank you very much" should be used only when sincerely meant, rather than out of habit. Frequent overuse has become so common in parts of the U.S. that it sometimes leads to misunderstandings. For example, less frequent usage of civilities by clerks in the eastern U.S. may cause them to seem brusque to customers from the midwest. In the opposite situation, those visiting the midwest from the east may perceive clerks as insincere when exposed to profuse but less than ecstatic such civilities.

[edit] Priority of Etiquette Issues

Like most countries, Canada and the United States each have issues that are germane to their particular society and are some are more relevant than other points in etiquette. King Edward was highly insulted by minor faux pas such as, for example, using the oyster fork to eat salad, but in the U.S. and Canada, such arbitrary rules pale in comparison to insulting someone's ethnic identity.

[edit] Issues in Canada

The following issues are of special concern to the people of Canada:

[edit] Aboriginal people

• There are three distinct groups of Aboriginal peoples in Canada: First Nations people (often referred to by specific tribe names), Inuit and Métis. These are official classifications in Canada and care should be taken to distinguish between them. Native Americans, or the less popular word 'Indians', are used to describe aboriginals in the lower 48 United States. Aboriginal Hawaiians are simply called Hawaiian, aboriginal Alaskans are usually called Native Alaskans, or the name of their specific tribe; Aleut, Eskimo, Alutiiq, etc.
• Etiquette demands respect for the lifestyles of Aboriginal people. Although traditional spiritual, cultural, and lifestyle practices thrive in Canadian aboriginal communities, these have evolved and incorporate modern elements, from snowmobiles and state-of-the-art fishing boats to websites through which First Nations groups celebrate their heritage. What's more, 42% of aboriginal people in the Canadian province of Ontario, for example, have post-secondary education, and 78% live off-reserve;^[14] the most common occupation for Aboriginal people in Canada as a whole is in sales/service, followed closely by business/finance/administration and transportation/equipment operation.^[15] This presents a very different picture from the stereotypes seen around the world in movies and literature featuring Aboriginal peoples of North America.^[16]As a result, expecting an Aboriginal person to be "just like in the movies" may make one seem ignorant or rude to aboriginal and non-aboriginal people alike.^[17]
• Respect for aboriginal culture is especially important in such situations as a First Nation's pow wow. For example, it is extremely rude to touch a dancer's regalia or to take a photograph of a dancer without asking for and clearly receiving permission.^[18] It is also taboo to bring alcohol or narcotics to a pow-wow.^[19]
• Interruptions are seen as quite rude among First Nations cultures in general.^[20] Particular respect should be paid to elders (people who are older or people well-respected in the community). When they speak on an issue, it is unacceptable to interrupt or speak until they say they have finished or until they invite others to speak or ask questions.^[21]
• Speakers of the Yupik languages self-identify as "Eskimo" but the majority of the Native population in the Canadian Arctic and Greenland prefer to be called "Inuit" (or "Inuvialuit"), and most find the term "Eskimo" highly offensive.^[22]
• The term "Eskimo" is sometimes used in other contexts, such as by sports teams like the Abitibi Eskimos or the Edmonton Eskimos. Be aware that they use these names to the chagrin of some Inuit and people who advocate political correctness. Treat this sensitive issue accordingly.^[23]

[edit] Francophone relations

• Expecting an English-speaking Canadian to know French well, or vice versa, can create awkward situations. However, it is more common for Francophone Canadians to be fluently bilingual than Anglophone Canadians (in the western regions of Montreal, or outside of Québec).^[24]
• While both English and French are official languages, English is more widely used in areas outside of Quebec.
• When initiating a discussion, it is polite to at least attempt to use the native language of one's interlocutor. However, if one does not speak that language, it is good form to inform the other person of that fact and asking if they speak one's own. Learning a few phrases such as "Excuse me, but I do not speak English. Do you speak French?", or conversely, "Pardon. Je ne parle pas français. Parlez-vous anglais?" can go a long way in demonstrating sincerity.
• In areas which are primarily French-speaking, when being served (in restaurants, hotels, etc.) it is considered rude to automatically expect service in English, even in urban areas such as Montreal. Do not expect English to be known by people in suburbs and smaller towns (although in some cases, it will be). A polite demeanor, including excusing one's self when asking for assistance in English, is much-appreciated and will facilitate social interaction.^[25]
• Non-Canadians are not advised to initiate discussion on Anglophone-Francophone relations. Avoid faux pas by respecting it as one would a private matter. Offering even well-intentioned commentary about issues such as Quebec separatism risks offending Anglophone and Francophone Canadians alike.^[26]

[edit] Politics

• Although many Canadians are fiercely proud of their country, they tend to shun nationalist rhetoric and patriotic fervor as not being appropriate for public display. Canadians do celebrate a patriotic holiday called Canada Day.

[edit] Canada Flag

• It is considered a great dishonor to allow a Canadian flag to touch the ground (similar to rules involving the U.S. flag). It is also considered disrespectful to mark or alter a Canadian flag. Wearing apparel featuring the flag is generally accepted. A Canadian flag that is unfit for display (such as a ripped flag) is not to be flown and is to be destroyed in a dignified manner.

[edit] Issues in the United States

The United States is a diverse, multicultural country with over 300 million people with diverse backgrounds and beliefs. Working through these differences is a major concern for people in the US in many areas including the following:

[edit] African Americans

• The subject of race relations in the United States is a sensitive one, especially in regards to the situation of African-American people in the USA both past and present.
• Despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that this is an emotionally-charged subject, many people often want to discuss it, especially in private. Be aware that such conversations may be tricky for the unwary or uninformed. It is easy to offend people in this area, no matter what their race or creed.^[27]
• Although many Black comedians base their acts on stereotypes about the Black community, in 21st century USA differences in lifestyle, values and the realities of life are more often made along economic lines than racial lines. Failing to recognize this fact can be insensitive, but stating this point directly may also invite argument.^[28]
• In opposition to one of the notes discussed above in relation to "multiculturalism", Black people in the USA do make jokes about White people openly and without censure on television, in nightclubs, and so on. Given the more concrete and important imbalances between Black people and White people throughout most of the history of the United States, complaints about this particular point are less often made.^[29]
• The terms "Black" and "African American" are sometimes used interchangeably, though the distinction is more nuanced. It is often assumed that the first is more casual and the second is more politically correct, but the choice between the terms is often of a personal nature.
• Terms such as "Colored" or "Negro" are sometimes taboo in American society but are still used in two specific instances. The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) founded in 1909 and the United Negro College Fund (UNCF) founded 1944 are both American institutions whose names are artifacts of particular periods of history when these terms were regarded as the most polite options.
• Although the word "nigger" may be heard in a variety of music and movies originating in the US, these are still considered extremely vulgar and offensive in most of American culture. Discussion and controversy regarding the word is far more complex than "Black people can use it, White people can't." Although use of the word may seem casual or friendly in some contexts, both Black people and White people may be offended by this word, even when a Black person uses it.^[30] Even when discussing the controversy around use of the word, it is impolite to actually say it out loud. Generally the phrase "N-word" is substituted when such discussions take place.

[edit] US Flag

Laying the flag on the ground or worse still, walking on it, is considered disrespectful, as is burning it in protest. However, wearing the flag, even as intimate apparel is considered acceptable by society but is prohibited by the flag code. Leaving a flag outside until it is faded and torn seems to be a matter of personal preference. See United States Flag Code.

[edit] Language etiquette in the U.S.

• The United States has no declared official language--however, English is spoken by the vast majority of US citizens, and serves as a lingua franca. One should be sensitive to language politics, and be conscious of the guidelines for discussing political matters while discussing language policy, such as English in education, regional or ethnic varieties of English, or views on the status of English as an official language.
• Be aware that in large areas of some cities, or certain establishments, English is simply not spoken. One should not be offended because English is not spoken.
• Many people who have little or no skill in a second language themselves often rudely judge others' intelligence or intentions because of their lack of knowledge in a particular language, be it English, Spanish, or otherwise. Many people are literate in languages other than your own, and a person's education should not be judged based solely on their ability to speak or write in your native tongue.
• In polite company, it is never appropriate to criticize the accent or lack of proficiency of a non-native speaker of English. One should always be encouraging and respectful of others' attempts to communicate in a language that is not their own; however, there is a line between being respectful and being patronizing, and one should be aware of that.
• Correcting pronunciation or finishing another's sentence is inappropriate, unless requested. Asking for clarification or repetition of what was being said is acceptable; however, except in very important conversations, excessive or repeated requests for clarification should be avoided--one should be polite and seek alternative methods to communicate or resolve an interaction with someone.
• Other languages aside from English are spoken in the United States, as the United States is a nation with many immigrants and citizens who were once citizens of other lands with non-English languages, or who have ancestors who come from other nations where English was not the predominant tongue. Knowing multiple languages is a useful skill, and speaks of one's connections to the wider world. Whether you are a native English speaker or not, it is always polite to even attempt to communicate with people in the language they are more familiar with.
• In addition, there are different regional and cultural dialects of English in the United States, such as Bostonian, Southern, New York, and urban. Some of these can be quite hard for others to understand, especially for non-native English speakers, or those from other English speaking nations. Keep an open mind, and keep in mind that there is no one correct manner of speaking English (opposite to the way that there is an objectively accepted manner of writing English, although the appropriate ways of writing differ between British English and Standard American English.)

[edit] Latinos

• Latino (which is both a noun and an adjective) and the feminine form "Latina" are terms widely-used to refer to people of Latin American descent or Hispanic American heritage. It includes such dissimilar people as blonde-haired ethnically German people from the South of Brazil, Chile and Argentina, an Afro-Brazilian who physically resembles the inhabitants of West Africa, and a person born in the USA who speaks no language other than English but who traces her genealogy to a Portuguese or Spanish-speaking country.^[31]
• Many people believe that racial identity is a completely separate and distinct identity from Latino identity. For example, a person may identify as both white and Latino, or both black and Latino, etc. Others identify racially as Latino. It is important to accept anyone's self-identity, even though various government agencies may classify people one way or another.
• Many people insist on the use of "Latino/Latina" or "Latina/Latino" when referring to people of both genders, even though in the Spanish language the word "Latino" covers a mixed gender group.
• Many people of strict Spanish-American and Portuguese-American heritage do not identify as "Latino" and may be offended by such a suggestion. The term is more correctly applied to people with some Mexican, Caribbean, Central, or South American heritage.
• Hispanic is a term still commonly used to refer to all Latinos, and while not an insulting term, its use is falling into less favor.
• "Chicano" is a term referring specifically to people of Mexican descent. Its use became popular in the 1970s, but is quickly becoming outdated and is often unwelcome. If one has reason to refer to someone of being specifically of Mexican desent, one should refer to him or her as such.
• "Latin" is sometimes used as an anglicized form of "Latino," but is confusing, if not simply incorrect. This term traditionally refers to people of Southern European origin (specifically, Mediterranean lands which once used the Latin language).^[32]
• Although Puerto Rico is not one of "the 50 states", it is a United States territory with Commonwealth status and is part of the USA. Persons born in Puerto Rico are U.S. citizens, and its inhabitants generally need no special documentation such as passports or visas to travel to other parts of the United States. Although the phrase "Puerto Rican immigrants" is neither assuredly incorrect nor essentially insulting, in some cases it may offend Puerto Ricans to suggest that they "come from another country" (especially since some have been in the continental United States for many generations).^[33]

[edit] Indigenous People

• Etiquette demands respect for the lifestyles of Native American people. Although traditional spiritual, cultural, and lifestyle practices exist in many Native American communities, these incorporate such modern elements as owning modern electronic equipment, obtaining doctorate-level education, or (in some cases) the operation of multi-billion dollar Indian casinos. Expecting a Native American person to be "just like in the movies" would make one seem ignorant or rude.^[34]
• Though the term "American Indian" has never been as controversial as various terms formerly used to refer to African Americans, it has at times not been preferred, as the land was not called "America" before the arrival of non-natives. The term "Native American" is widely viewed as more politically-correct than the term "American Indian," but many indigenous American tribal groups and individuals use prefer "Indian" or "American Indian" instead. "The native people" is also used alternatively as it does not refer to America specifically. Many prefer "American Indian" as it is the only description of an ethnic group which uses "American" as an adjective rather than a noun, and comes first in the description.
• "Indian American" should never be used to describe the indigenous people, as this term refers to people of Asian Indian descent.
• The native people of America, both today and throughout history, have never been a homogeneous group, and it is offensive to suggest or assume that all have an identical heritage.
• The indigenous populations of Alaska are normally considered and labeled as a separate group by many Americans (including the federal government) and are sometimes referred to as "Alaska Natives" and are thought of by many with the term "Eskimos." Common usage within the state of Alaska is to refer to all indigenous Alaskans as Alaska Natives. The noun or adjective "Native" (with a capital N, as in "a Native corporation") is an acceptable shortened form of this designation, although it can be considered mildly offensive in certain contexts or when used with certain vocal inflections.
• The term "Native Alaskan" has no official designation or meaning, and the term can apply equally to Alaska Natives and people of other ethnic descent who were born or raised in the state.
• Speakers of the Yupik and Inupiaq languages self-identify as "Eskimo"; however, the more technically appropriate terms are "Inupiat" or "Yupik," depending on the group referenced. Unlike in Canada or Greenland, however, the term "Eskimo" is normally not considered offensive but may be considered uneducated, especially if used by people unfamiliar with Yupik or Inupiat culture or Alaskan affairs. It also serves as a single-word designation when referring to the collective Inupiat and Yupik peoples.^[35]
• Aleut peoples are considered as Alaska Natives but not part of the American Indian or Eskimo groups.

[edit] Yankees

• Although "Yankee" is synonymous with "American" in many countries beyond United States borders, within the USA this term has specific meanings depending upon the context and may be impolite if misused.
• In the Southern United States, "Yankee" refers to inhabitants of the Northern United States and is generally used when discussing perceived differences in culture between the regions, such as when saying "Let's show our new Yankee in-laws some Southern hospitality," or in the derogatory term "Dam[n] yankees." Likewise, referring to a Southerner as a "Yankee" can be very offensive.
• In the rest of the United States, "Yankee" is understood in the Southern sense but may also refer to New England specifically. For example, issues surrounding an election in Connecticut or Rhode Island might be described as "Yankee politics."
• Among people in New England and scholars such as historians and genealogists, "Yankee" refers specifically to the relatively homogenous ethnocultural group who trace their descent from such early Americans as the Mayflower Pilgrims. This definition excludes anyone who is (for example) Catholic.
• Using the term "Yankee" or especially "Yank" by foreigners is almost always seen as offensive. It generally should not be used to address Americans because it is seen as a hostile and condescending label, and is very rarely used self-referentially.
• Finally, the New York Yankees are a baseball team whose rivals, the Boston Red Sox, are in New England. Therefore, a term such as "Yankee pride" has a variety of meanings.

[edit] See also

• Etiquette in Africa
• Etiquette in Asia
• Etiquette in Australia and New Zealand
• Etiquette in Europe
• Etiquette in Latin America
• Etiquette in the Middle East
• Worldwide etiquette

[edit] References