Man Laws

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Man Laws (Men of the Square Table) are a series of beer commercials for Miller Lite, inspired by the unwritten codes by which men live. In the commercials, the panel discusses a given issue until it decides upon a "Man Law". The "Men of the Square Table" are a parody of King Arthur's Knights of the Round Table. The "Square Table" they congregate around is located in what appears to be a secret, Dr. Strangelove-esque room with glass (probably soundproof) walls. The advertising campaign was a response to negative feedback about prior sexist advertising.^[1] The campaign also included a website (http://www.manlaws.com) as well as print advertising.^[2]

Contents 1 Members of the Square Table 2 Television advertisements 3 Demise 4 Popular culture 4.1 Notes

[edit] Members of the Square Table

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In the commercials, it is their job to adjudge what is manly and what is not manly in common male situations. The panel is composed of important, macho, and famous men. Among the topics discussed are the proper etiquette for courting a friend's ex-girlfriend, and deciding who rightfully owns Miller Lite brought to parties. Every male in America, at the age of 13, receives a man law book in the mail. The Members of the Square Table are as follows:

Character	Real Name
Mr. Binnie	Brian Binnie, pilot/astronaut who flew Spaceship One when it won the X Prize
Mr. Bus	Jerome Bettis, former Pro Bowl NFL running back of the Pittsburgh Steelers; Super Bowl winner
Mr. de la Hoya	Oscar de la Hoya, professional boxer
Mr. Flynn	Jackie Flynn, actor/comedian
Mr. Gesner	Zen Gesner, actor
Mr. Griffin	Eddie Griffin, actor/comedian
Mr. H	Triple H, actor/WWE professional wrestler
Mr. Hart	Carey Hart, actor/professional motocrosser
Mr. Johnson	Jimmy Johnson, former college football and NFL coach
Mr. Kelly	Jim Kelly, Hall of Fame Pro Bowl quarterback formerly of the Buffalo Bills (NFL) and the Houston Gamblers (USFL).
Mr. Markbreit	Jerry Markbreit, former NFL referee
Mr. Murray	Ty Murray, 7-time All-Around World Rodeo Champion
Mr. Ralston	Aron Ralston, A Carnegie Mellon graduate and mountaineer who cut off his own lower arm with a pocket knife when a boulder fell on it while canyoneering
Mr. Renteria	Paul Renteria, actor/musician
Mr. Reynolds	Burt Reynolds, actor (the Table's apparent "leader")
The Scribe	Johnny Holiday, actor
Mr. Blu	Rodney Blu, actor/musician

[edit] Television advertisements

This list is not complete. It contains only a sample of the commercials within this series.

Problem Posed	Man Law Solution
Your best friend is dumped by his girlfriend. How long before you can ask her out?	It was suggested to be various short amounts of time, but the idea of dating a friend's ex was thought to be wholly unacceptable by Mr. Reynolds. However, when asked "What if she's drop-dead gorgeous?", Mr. Reynolds changed his answer to "Six months" and the motion was summarily accepted.
If you bring Miller Lite to a party and not all of it is consumed, can you take the remainder with you as you leave the party?	Tuck Rule: As many beers that fit in one pocket, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.
If a friend gets you a beer from the bar, is it acceptable for the friend to stick his finger in the opening to bring back several beers to the table at once?	No. "You poke it, you own it."
When toasting with beer, should you clink with the top or the bottom of the bottle?	The Bottom, because clinking the top would swap saliva and thus qualify as kissing.
Is the high five officially played out?	Yes, but a continuance has been issued until a replacement can be found.
Does someone have to root for a team when watching football?	Yes. You must always choose to root for a team.
Is it permissible to hide your beer in the fridge so that others can't find it?	No, "sharing is caring." Unless it's the last one and it has to be Miller
Wireless phone headsets: pretty cool or technology gone bad?	Technology gone bad: Anything that makes you look like a crazy person - not cool. (Mr. Bus completely disagrees.)
Can you put a lime or any other fruit in your beer?	No, fruit is completely off limits in beer. If one were to put fruit in a beer, they might as well put a little umbrella in it and call it a "beera colada". Man Law: "Don't Fruit the Beer."
Is it permissible, in the pursuit of humor, to tap the top of another man's beer bottle with the bottom of your beer bottle, causing the other man's beer bottle to fizz over?	No, as there are plenty of other things that make us laugh without wasting a drop of beer, like Japanese game shows, Undercover Brother on DVD, and Jimmy Pacifico's hair. Man Law: "No wasting beer in the pursuit of humor."
Have football fans become too reliant on the "D-Fence" sign?	Yes, however, a continuance has been issued on the "D-Fence" sign, while giving a try-out to the "Off-Fence" sign this season.
Is it acceptable for a man to leave his fellow men in order to leave with his woman?	No, however, this ruling can be overturned if she is deemed attractive enough by said fellow men. Most notably, Burt Reynolds, in the case of Mr. Murray's girlfriend, Jewel. (Beforehand, the Men were discussing if it is acceptable for a man to drive a hybrid car. A Man Law was never adopted for this.)
Is it permissible for opponents of a bet to distract one another during the betting event?	No. Unless a distraction clause enabling the opponents to distract is placed before said event occurs.
Is it acceptable to leave a game before it ends to beat traffic?	No. In a rare double man law it was also deemed unacceptable for a man to bake on game day. This is the one Rodney Blu appears in.
Is it acceptable for a man to use a fake log when real wood is available?	No. Real wood must always be used.
Is it acceptable for a wife or girlfriend to store items other than beer in the garage fridge?	No. The line is the line - It is the only sovereign territory left.
Is crushing beer cans on your forehead still cool?	No. Cans are not as thick as they once were. Crushing one back then was saying something, but now, it's lame.
21 rule	No matter what, the 21 rule is always in effect. No matter what, no if ands or buts.
Can a man wash his hair in the sink?	No. Under no circumstance shall a man wash his hair in a sink. Hair washing will only take place in the shower, OR, the barber.
Can a man end a game of pain, by not abiding by the rules?	No. All rules shall be followed or the result will be double the penalty of the game for the man who broke them.
Is telling stories of getting kicked in the balls reasonable male conversation?	No. Hearing a story of that nature brings back painful memories because every man has his own story.
If while eating hot peppers, is it acceptable for a person to stay at the table and not eat while forcing others to eat the peppers?	No, if said person is at the table and is trying to make others eat hot peppers while being too chicken to try one themselves they should be made to eat twice the amount eaten or be shunned from the table and made to sit outside, no matter the weather conditions.

[edit] Demise

The Miller Brewing Co. unveiled a new football-related advertising campaign to effectively replace the Man Law ads starting the week of September 2, 2007, to coincide with the start of the 2007 NFL Regular Season. The title is More Taste League (MTL) and these ads consist of actor John C. McGinley portraying The Commish of beer to defend Miller Lite towards the actions of beer drinkers. These ads are only likely to run until some time in October 2007, as Miller has signed a new agency to handle their TV and radio ads, with the first ones to be unveiled during this time.^[3]

[edit] Popular culture

• The ex-girlfriend rule was referenced in the episode "Both Sides Now" of Power Rangers: Operation Overdrive. Blue Ranger Dax Lo complained about fellow Ranger Will Aton's defection to a female enemy that was once his romantic interest in a previous episode. When their female comrades were taken aback by the comment, Dax and Red Ranger Mack Hartford looked at each other, then at the girls, simply stating "Man Law". The girls rolled their eyes in response.
• In a recent taping of The New Yankee Workshop, handyman Norm Abram says "Remember to watch your fingers when you're working a mitre box... Man Law."
• For Gator Growl 2007 at the University of Florida, videos shown to fans featured a professor, a marching band member, a fan and Tim Tebow making Gator Laws similar to the Man Law ads. Gator Laws decided on included no cheering for other SEC teams unless it helps the Gators in the polls, it is never acceptable to cheer for FSU, never skip class on Friday for the games on Saturday and body paint on large stomachs is completely acceptable as larger stomachs provide more area to use.
• Referenced in Stephen King's 2008 book, "Duma Key." When Edgar, the main character, sticks his cut finger in a bottle of hydrogen peroxide rather than dabbing it on the wound, another character, Jack, grimaces and says "Man-law", to which Edgar replies, "Not unless you were planning to drink it", presumably referencing the "you poke it, you own it" law.

[edit] Notes