Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Crackdown

• • "Crackdown is an open-world, third-person shooter video game for the Xbox 360 console." - Console? Average joe who doesn't play games will not know what you're on about. Try "video game console" or "game console" instead.
  • "The game It was released in North America on February 20, 2007, "
  • The prose is unnecessarily wordy in places... "Set in the fictional Pacific City, the game requires the player to controls a cybernetically enhanced Agent in his mission to defeat three crime lords and their organized crime syndicates."
  • "Crackdown, originally planned for release on the Xbox console," This could cause confusion. Try instead: "Crackdown, originally planned for release on the original Xbox console,"
  • Please add citations to the infobox for release dates.
  • The Soundtrack table doesn't seem to be sourced?
  • Another example of poor prose... "Crackdown received generally positive reviews from game critics, with many praising the open-world approach and their enjoyment of the game." - Try instead: "Crackdown received generally positive reviews from critics who praised the open-world approach and their enjoyment of the game." - Hold on...they praised their own enjoyment of it? Hmm? I think they enjoyed it, but they didn't praise their enjoyment.
  • Current ref 3 says 1997, but I think it should say 2007?
  • I am not sure about this...but what makes http://majornelson.com/archive/2007/02/03/xbox-live-activity-for-week-of-1-29.aspx a reliable source?
  • I recommend a full copyedit by an editor new to the text. Please see both Peer review/volunteers and LOCE/Members for lists of people who can help. Do not hesitate to contact a few people on their Talk pages!

— Wackymacs (talk ~ edits) 17:09, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

• • • Other points I will get to , but to comment on the majornelson.com reference, as it was brought up before: Larry Hyrb (aka Major Nelson) is an expert on XBox Live events and information, given his VP position at Microsoft, however the blog is not done on MS's dime, it's a courtesy to the community to share that information. Whenever possible, information that he posts there can be found elsewhere, but there is information that originates from internally at Microsoft, which Larry is of course aware of and shares such as the XBox Live activity. No one else can provide this source of information besides Microsoft. Thus, for purposes of this type of information (the activity of the demo on XBox Live) that site is the most reliable you can achieve. I will point out other majornelson.com posts have been replaced with more reliable details (the contents and release dates of patches), but I can't replicate that one in other sources. --MASEM 17:17, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
      • OK, fair enough. — Wackymacs (talk ~ edits) 17:19, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
    • All other points (directly mentioned) dealt with; the soundtrack list has been commented out since I have yet to find a RS for it (forum posts, yes...). The article is still pending a CE help from the LoCE but that seems rather dead ATM so I've dropped a message to another editor from PR to look it over (I will note that one LoCE editor did look this over since this FAC started along with 2-4 other editors.) --MASEM 04:58, 5 June 2008 (UTC)