From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Man writing a letter (1662–65), oil on canvas, by Flemish painter
Gabriel Metsu; National Gallery of Ireland, Dublin
Skilled editing is central to achieving high-quality Wikipedia articles. This is a set of exercises in which you are presented with a portion of faulty text. It may contain problems of grammar, logic, cohesion, tone, lexical choice, punctuation or redundant wording. In some cases, there are breaches of Wikipedia's Manual of style.Most of the exercises do not concentrate on one specific aspect of writing or editing, as do our exercises in eliminating redundant wording. Here, you need to be aware of all of the things that can go wrong in constructing English text.
Feedback on how to improve these exercises is welcome on the talk page.
Return to the original article
[edit] Instructions
- First, click on [Show] to the right of "THE PROBLEM TEXT" and read the passage carefully. Try to determine where and how it can be improved. You're told at the end of the text how many problems there are.
- Below this, click on [Show] to discover what the generic issues are; these will not necessarily be listed in the order in which they occur in the passage. Reread the faulty text to see if you can now identify the specific problems.
- Click on [Show] below this to discover where the problems are in the text; try to match each of the coloured parts of the text with one of the problems listed above. In some cases, an issue involves two separate areas of the text that are coded with the same colour. Again, try to determine the solution for each problem.
- Click on [Show] to display our suggested solution and accompanying explanations. The changes in the text are colour-coded to match the explanations underneath. Where there are MOS breaches, links are provided to the relevant section in the MOS or its subpages.
The examples are all taken from featured article candidates. We've removed reference numbers to prevent clutter.
[edit] Exercise 1: Single-sentence examples
Navenby, which has Bronze Age, Roman and Medieval heritage, was made a market town with charters from Edward the Confessor, William Rufus and Richard II. However, the market fell into disuse in the early 19th century.
[There's one issue.]
- A problem of logical cohesion between the two sentences.
Navenby, which has Bronze Age, Roman and Medieval heritage, was made a market town with charters from Edward the Confessor, William Rufus and Richard II. However, the market fell into disuse in the early 19th century.
Navenby, which has Bronze Age, Roman and Medieval heritage, was made a market town with charters from Edward the Confessor, William Rufus and Richard II; despite this long heritage, the market fell into disuse in the early 19th century.
- However tells your reader that you're going to contradict or change the previous angle in some way; but just how this is case here is not sufficiently clear. We've guessed that the writer's point is ironic, and reinforced the close relationship with a semicolon rather than a period.
The Association ranks her as the eighth-best-selling female artist in American music history, having sold 32 million albums in the US.
[Ambiguity is the issue.]
- The relationship between the two segments in the sentence is ambiguous.
The Association ranks her as the eighth-best-selling female artist in American music history, having sold 32 million albums in the US.
Having sold 32 million albums in the US, she is ranked by the Association as the eighth-best-selling female artist in American music history.
- Reversing the order of the segments and using the passive voice is one way of ensuring that it is she and not the Association is clearly conveyed as having sold 32 million albums in the US. We usually try to ration the use of the passive, but here, it works quite well.
Yes, parents can be cruel.
For their home, the Hoggs chose the largest lot, 14.5 acres (5.9 ha). Ima worked closely with architect John Staub to design the house so that it would show off the art the family had already purchased.
[The task is to produce neater wording by removing four words and changing a fifth.]
- Unnecessary little grammatical words.
- A redundant "temporal" word; the job is done by the tense.
For their home, the Hoggs chose the largest lot, 14.5 acres (5.9 ha). Ima worked closely with architect John Staub to design the house so that it would show off the art the family had already purchased.
For their home, the Hoggs chose the largest lot, 14.5 acres (5.9 ha). Ima worked closely with architect John Staub to design the a house so that it would show off the art the family had already purchased.
- The grammar is simpler and more succinct.
- "A" rather than "the" is appropriate, since the house—especially in the changed grammatical environment—is one of a class of houses that could be designed for that purpose, not the only one.
- "Already" is redundant in the light of the past tense (unless it's required for some particular emphasis, which was not the case in this context).
[edit] Exercise 2: A common problem—noun plus -ing
This ungainly, ungrammatical construction has become all too common in all registers in English—even formal ones. noun plus -ing can be seen in:
- "I object to him being there", in which him is the noun.
There are a few ways of getting around this problem, such as by making the noun a possessive: "I object to his being there", or more formally, "I object to his presence there").
Or you could use a more substantial rewording: "I object to the fact that he's there".
Often, noun plus -ing is introduced by "with", as a clumsy connector with the previous text: ("We can't do much, with him being there".) Getting rid of "with" can be part of your rewording.
These exercises present sentences containing the unsatisfactory noun plus -ing. First, locate the problem; then, think of a solution that is grammatical. Hit the three "shows" at the right and you'll be taken step-by-step through ways of fixing it; try to think of the answers first.
Handy hints:
- Try changing the -ing verb ("translating") into an indicative verb ("translates") or a noun ("translation"). Often, an -ing verb can be a noun too, unchanged ("parking").
- Thinking triggers:
-
-
- that ...
- 's
- ... the [noun] of ...
- or if you're desperate, "... the fact that ...".
THE PROBLEM TEXT: CAN YOU LOCATE THE ISSUE?
The book starts as a chronological autobiography, with Suzuki recounting his childhood.
The book starts as a chronological autobiography, with Suzuki recounting his childhood.
Hint
- "With" is usually a bad connector; you can tackle that problem and fix the noun + -ing problem at the same time.
The book starts as a chronological autobiography in which Suzuki recounts his childhood.
Note
- "In which" allows us to both dispense with clumsy "with", connecting the subsequent clause with the previous clause properly, and to change the noun + -ing into a grammatical structure.
THE PROBLEM TEXT: CAN YOU LOCATE THE ISSUE?
Season 2 concludes with Ben setting out to confront Brother Justin in California.
Season 2 concludes with Ben setting out to confront Brother Justin in California.
Hint
- "With" is fine here, since it's not used as a connector; the noun + -ing problem can be tackled in more than one way.
Season 2 concludes with Ben's setting out to confront Brother Justin in California.
Note
- The grammar is now correct through the use of the possessive (it's Ben's action of setting out). Although it works here, this "possessive" is often clumsy. An alternative is "At the conclusion of Season 2, Ben sets out to confront Brother Justin in California", if the subtle shift in meaning is acceptable.
THE PROBLEM TEXT: CAN YOU LOCATE THE ISSUE?
Some business in Canada is transacted in US dollars, despite US currency not being legal tender.
Some business in Canada is transacted in US dollars, despite US currency not being legal tender.
Hint
Some business in Canada is transacted in US dollars, despite the fact that US currency is not legal tender.
Note
- We've had to resort to "the fact that", which is deprecated by many editors as tired and wordy, but probably OK here in the absence of an alternative.
THE PROBLEM TEXT: CAN YOU LOCATE THE ISSUE?
They remembered Gabriel Garcia Marquez once saying that many great films had been made from bad novels but few great films from good novels.
They remembered Gabriel Garcia Marquez once saying that many great films had been made from bad novels but few great films from good novels.
They remembered that Gabriel Garcia Marquez once said many great films had been made from bad novels but few great films from good novels.
Note
- In the solution, we've removed the second "that" to avoid "that ... that".
THE PROBLEM TEXT: CAN YOU LOCATE THE ISSUE?
Doping scandals have resulted in a number of athletes being stripped of their medals.
Doping scandals have resulted in a number of athletes being stripped of their medals.
Doping scandals have resulted in the stripping of medals from a number of athletes.
Note
- Alternatively: "Doping scandals have resulted in a number of athletes' being stripped of their medals"—this is unusual nowadays, but nevertheless efficient and grammatical.
THE PROBLEM TEXT: CAN YOU LOCATE THE ISSUE?
The inspiration for the promoters was the initial success of the City & South London Railway, which had seen large passenger numbers using its trains in its first year of operation.
The inspiration for the promoters was the initial success of the City & South London Railway, which had seen large passenger numbers using its trains in its first year of operation.
Hint
- Some lateral thinking might lead to the best solution: the "its ... its ..." problem can be solved at the same time.
The inspiration for the promoters was the initial success of the City & South London Railway, which had seen large passenger numbers using its trains in its first year of operation.
Notes
- The removal of three redundant words kills two birds with one keystroke. In another context, it might have worked to replace the problematic "using" with "on".
- You could reword it with only a slight change of meaning: "... which had seen many passengers in the first year of operation." After all, in this context what else would "passengers" be riding?
THE PROBLEM TEXT: CAN YOU LOCATE THE ISSUE?
The organisers had originally planned a confrontation between the cast of the Jackass TV series and Umaga, with the feud concluding in a match at SummerSlam.
The organisers had originally planned a confrontation between the cast of the Jackass TV series and Umaga, with the feud concluding in a match at SummerSlam.
The organisers had originally planned a confrontation between the cast of the Jackass TV series and Umaga, and the conclusion of the feud in a match at SummerSlam.
Note
- Here, we've simply nominalised the problem; there may be other solutions.
[edit] Exercise 3: Longer examples
This comes from the lead, which provides a sequence of summary statements about the subsequent text in the article.
Agriculture continues to be a major part of the economy of Somerset. Apple orchards were once plentiful, and to this day the county is linked to the production of strong cider. The unemployment rate in the county is lower than the surrounding counties. The largest employment sectors are retail, manufacturing, leisure/tourism and health/social care.
[There are four issues.]
- A wrong word.
- A problem of logic and of vagueness.
- A MOS breach.
- A false comparison.
Agriculture continues to be a major part of the economy of Somerset. Apple orchards were once plentiful, and to this day the county is linked to the production of strong cider. The unemployment rate in the county is lower than the surrounding counties. The largest employment sectors are retail, manufacturing, leisure/tourism and health/social care.
Agriculture continues to be a major part of the economy of Somerset. Apple orchards were once plentiful have been plentiful for more than [?five] centuries, and to this day the county is linked to known for the production of strong cider. The unemployment rate in the county is lower than that of the surrounding counties. The largest employment sectors are retail, manufacturing, leisure/tourism leisure and tourism, and health/social care health and social care.
Notes
- The problem of logic and of vagueness: "Once" suggests that the orchards were plentiful at some time in the past and are no longer so; but the subsequent clause implies that plentiful orchards have ever since been and still are plentiful, since the county is known for its apple cider. An indication is required of when "in the past" this was, even if as vague as "for at least five centuries". We have guessed a solution; the author would need to be asked to check this.
- The wrong words: "Linked to" is ambiguous; "known for" is presumably what the author intended.
- The false comparison: The unemployment rate in Somerset is being compared with the unemployment rate in the surrounding counties, not with the counties themselves; "that of" can be inserted to stand for "the unemployment rate of" those other counties; then the comparison is valid.
- The MOS breach: Slashes are usually avoided.
Jane Zhang (born 11 October 1984) also known as Zhang Liangying is a Chinese pop singer who came to prominence when she placed third in the 2005 season of the Super Girl contest a national all female singing competition held in the People's Republic of China. Throughout the competition, she sang in English, Spanish and Cantonese in addition to Mandarin Chinese.
[There are seven issues.]
- A word that is probably redundant.
- Missing commas (three could be added).
- A word that is inconsistently applied in one place but not another.
- A potentially misleading lexical item (word).
- A verb that is used wrongly in active voice.
- A missing hyphen.
- A character that may need to be changed in case (upper to lower, or lower to upper).
WHERE THE ISSUES ARE [commas not shown]
Jane Zhang (born 11 October 1984) also known as Zhang Liangying is a Chinese pop singer who came to prominence when she placed third in the 2005 season of the Super Girl contest a national all female singing competition held in the People's Republic of China. Throughout the competition, she sang in English, Spanish and Cantonese in addition to Mandarin Chinese.
Jane Zhang (born 11 October 1984), also known as Zhang Liangying, is a Chinese pop singer who came to prominence when she was placed third in the 2005 season of the Super Girl contest Contest, a national all-female singing competition held in the People's Republic of China. Throughout During the competition, she sang in English, Spanish and Cantonese in addition to Mandarin Chinese.
Notes
- Three commas are required: the first two are boundaries for a nested phrase ("also known as Zhang Liangying"); the third is an "equative" comma, meaning "that is".
- "Placed" can't refer to what she does, but to what is done to her; the passive voice must be used ("was placed").
- A hyphen is required for "all-female", which is a double adjective. This is the case even in AmEng. See MOS on hyphens.
- An upper-case "C" is required, for "Contest", since it's part of the title of the competition; this can be confirmed at the linked article and the link re-piped.
- "Held" is hardly necessary, since all competitions are held, and we're told its country of location.
- "Throughout" may imply that she sang from start to finish in a mixture of all four languages; while this is an unlikely meaning, it is clearer to use "during", which doesn't convey the start-to-finish meaning.
- "Chinese" is used to qualify "Mandarin", but not "Cantonese"; however, both are Chinese languages. It's probably acceptable to remove "Chinese" altogether, since China is central to the topic and both languages were linked. Re-pipe the link.
- There's one more issue: the list of languages at the end finishes with "in addition to"; why the marked form of "and" is used is unclear. Is Mandarin somehow different from the rest of the list? Perhaps it's her native language, but it's all a mystery to the poor reader.
We now come to two exercises in which a single text is broken into two successive portions (2c and 2d).
Incorporating a number of new developments in British steam locomotive technology, the Packets were amongst the first British designs to utilise welding in the construction process, which meant that components could be more easily constructed during the wartime austerity and post war economy.
[There are six issues.]
- Two unnecessary repetitions.
- A missing hyphen.
- An ugly word that has a common, shorter equivalent.
- An old-fashioned word.
- Opportunities for neater expression in two places (location underlined below).
- An opportunity to split an over-long sentence (location underlined below).
Incorporating a number of new developments in British steam locomotive technology, the Packets were amongst the first British designs to utilise welding in the construction process, which meant that components could be more easily constructed during the wartime austerity and post war economy.
Incorporating a number of new developments in British steam locomotive technology, the Packets were amongst among the first British designs to utilise use welding in the construction process, which meant that components could be more easily constructed; this enabled the easier construction fabrication of components during the wartime austerity and post war economy austerity of the wartime and post-war economy.
Notes
- "Amongst" is better as the plainer and shorter "among".
- The second occurrence of "British" can be simply removed, because we already know that the technology is British.
- "Utilise" is a very ugly word for "use".
- The second occurrence of "construction/constructed" can be avoided by substituting it with fabrication".
- "Post-war" is a double adjective before "economy", and should therefore be hyphenated.
- The comma after "process" is turned into a semicolon to enable the readers to pause and gather their thoughts momentarily; the next clause is turned into a grammatical sentence starting with "this", not "which". In any case, "which meant that" is clumsy; better to say it plainly.
- "During austerity" isn't quite right, and the meaning is clearly that both the war and the post-war period involved economic austerity. We've presented one way of rewording, which would need to be confirmed by the FAC nominator.
The locomotives also featured Bulleid's innovative, though controversial chain-driven valve gear and the inclusion of thermic syphons. The class members were named after the Merchant Navy shipping lines involved in the Battle of the Atlantic, and latterly those which used Southampton Docks, an astute publicity masterstroke by the Southern Railway, who operated Southampton Docks during the period.
[There are five issues.]
- Two separate redundant words (only one is colour coded below).
- A clash between person and non-person entities.
- A false contrast (a problem of logical flow).
- The use of two expressions of very similar meaning, where a common expression would make the text more cohesive.
- A word that has a slightly more formal form, appropriate for this register.
- An opportunity to split an over-long sentence (position underlined in "Where the issues are").
The locomotives also featured Bulleid's innovative, though controversial chain-driven valve gear and the inclusion of thermic syphons. The class members were named after the Merchant Navy shipping lines involved in the Battle of the Atlantic, and latterly those which used Southampton Docks, an astute publicity masterstroke by the Southern Railway, who operated Southampton Docks during the period.
The locomotives also featured thermic syphons and Bulleid's innovative although controversial, innovative chain-driven valve gear. The class members were named after the Merchant Navy shipping lines involved in the Battle of the Atlantic, and latterly those which used Southampton Docks, an a astute publicity masterstroke by the Southern Railway, who which operated Southampton Docks during the period.
Notes
Nothing is wrong with the individual sentences in the next passage, but the ideas are poorly sequenced. The task is to re-arrange and knit together the existing sentences. To do the exercise, you'll just need to write a few numbers in sequence on a piece of paper, and work out the best links between the newly sequenced ideas.
The actual cause of Poe's death remains a mystery. In the days after Poe's death in 1849, newspapers reported its cause as "congestion of the brain" or "cerebral inflammation", common euphemisms for deaths from disreputable causes such as alcoholism. Speculation has since included delirium tremens, heart disease, epilepsy and meningeal inflammation. From as early as 1872, cooping was commonly believed to have been the cause.
*The order of the sentences will need to change, and some of the boundaries between them changed. We've numbered the ideas and presented them in the raw sequence.
- The actual cause of Poe's death remains a mystery.
- In the days after Poe's death in 1849, newspapers reported the cause as "congestion of the brain" or "cerebral inflammation", common euphemisms for deaths from disreputable causes such as alcoholism.
- Speculation has since included delirium tremens, heart disease, epilepsy and meningeal inflammation.
- From as early as 1872, cooping was commonly believed to have been the cause.
We want you to write out the sequence of four numbers, and in doing so, to;
- use a semicolon to join two of these sentences;
- use ", and" to join two of the sentences;
- insert one "However"; and
Here's a sample wrong answer:
The next box contains a few hints.
- There's a mystery before there's speculation.
- There are reports before talk of the actual cause.
- "Since" suggests that something else has happened beforehand.
The answer is:
In the days after Poe's death in 1849, newspapers reported the cause as "congestion of the brain" or "cerebral inflammation", common euphemisms for deaths from desreputable causes such as alcoholism. However, the actual cause of Poe's death remains a mystery; from as early as 1872, cooping was commonly believed to have been the cause, and speculation has since included delirium tremens, heart disease, epilepsy and meningeal inflammation.
Notes
- We've also used ellipsis to remove one of the two instances of "Poe's".
