Talk:Picenum

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Hey Amanda! Your article was really good. I assume you wrote the second part of the article because it appears to be written by a different writer. I just have a few suggestions: 1. I think this sentence could be reworked a little better: "The three interior towns of Picenum showed a system of urban layout and appeared to be economically successful, so it is unknown what caused this city to decline in later years.." There are also two periods on the end. 2. This sentence: "It was also used as a Roman base during the Social Wars, which took place from 91 B.C. to 88 B.C., showing Picenum’s Roman allegiance during the war for Italian citizenship." you could just take the dates out as just (91-88BC) and I think the sentence would flow a lot better. 3. Also the last paragraph you give a lot of good info on the items found in the tombs, but I think it would be helpful if you explained more the importance of these items. Maybe explain how important it is that they can identify the social hierarchy. Good article overall! Susan

Hi Amanda. Here are some potential fixes that I found, but please remember these are just my suggestions:

Organization - to aide flow, consider moving sentences 9 and 10 (more on geography) to the top where geography is being discussed. - adding section titles throughout would be great

Citations - when mentioning Strabo, Pliny, and Festus, maybe refer to them as ancient authors for clarity and perhaps show a citation for where in there works picenum is mentioned. - The statement in sentence 7 about modern archaeologists needs a citation - You already have several footnotes, why not insert the command that gives an auto listing of the footnotes at the end of your article (i would have put that command here for you but it won't display in these talk pages)

Nit-Picking - how(north/south or east/west) and where (above/below picenum or left/right) did the Foglia and Pescara rivers flow (i don't see them on the map; also foglia's internal link seems dead) - might consider changing the words cultural supremacy in sentence 4 to hegemony or dominance in order to maintain a neutral tone

This is a good encyclopedia article. I especially liked the discussion of the Rome/Picenum wartime relationships and the parts about the tomb archeology/traditions was interesting. Good job! Ken Kfd182 00:34, 15 May 2007 (UTC)

In general I would look at the article and try to group topics together in a more cohesive manner, you seem to move from geography to background to its importance to Rome and back to geography, try to group this together. My last comment isn't so much something that your article needs to imporve upon, but it might be interesting to add some sort of information detailing how they may have been particularly different from the from the Romans in terms of their early culture. Good Job. -Jeremy Kross