Talk:Earl Strom

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[edit] Re-work article

I have Strom's book and I'm going to re-work this bio based on information I come across in the book. Hopefully I can get this up to GA status, which would be a first for a referee. RyguyMN 03:26, 14 June 2007 (UTC)

First, thanks RyguyMN for contributing heavily to this article, it's massively comprehensive now. Here are some of my comments (not meant to criticise because he's done a tremendous job already) --

1. This is rather trite but I keep forgetting -- can a couple give birth or is it just the mother who can do so?
2. While not the strongest barriers to quality, there is a little overuse of "Strom". The simple alternative of "he" should suffice, but it is also possible to sprinkle things like "the veteran official" or something along those lines, just for variety. But again, not a barrier to GA in my opinion (postscript: I have injected variety in most places, with the exception of the 1973-1990 section)
3. There is probably a better way to bridge to, and introduce, the 4th, 5th and 6th paragraphs found in the NBA section. As it stands they are a little disjointed, even though I think the events are presented chronologically. In fact, it is because it is a little too chronological; maybe a thematic connection between events may be useful. (postscript: I've actually tried to reorganise the content without changing the substance in the NBA section, will try to do the same for the other sections -- update: I have worked all the way up to the 1973-1990 section)
4. "Strom fed of the energy off the fans when officiating games and the small attendance sizes in the ABA made him feel depressed" -- the start of this statement sounds queer, but I could be wrong. (postscript: I have edited it according to what I think might have been meant)
5. Re: "Return to the NBA" and "NBA (1973-1990)" sections -- it does seem the latter is subsumable under the former. But I understand a constraint is that the 1973-1990 section is already very long. So, a possibility is to have subsections within the 1973-1990 section, but only because it makes it less bulky.
6. Purely for aesthetics, you can use those bulky quote marks for the legacy section, as found in Charles Barkley, or quoteboxes, as found in Tony Parker, if you so wish.
7. Re: the part about Julius Erving, while I think that the first two sentences of that paragraph are intended to set the context, it could probably be presented in a more concise manner. (postscript: I've tried fixing this)
8. In the lead, while it's almost painfully obvious to explain why he's credited as being the greatest, from an encyclopedic point of view (actually, it's just WP), it may be better to say exactly who credits him. Preferrably, the person who credits him should be an esteemed person or has the necessary credentials.
9. I'd also add that the lead should be longer -- see wp:lead for details.
10. Re: 1965 Eastern Finals -- I'm trying to understand exactly what was Strom's involvement. Is it because he officiated in a cast? The Havlicek story seems to form the greater focus however.
11. "Throughout the year, Pollack noted how many times the home or visting team was victorous and who were the officials working the game" -- which year is this referring to?
12. For the references, the same book is used many times, and I don't think there's a need (by way of WP guidelines) to spell out the reference in full each time. Perhaps a short form can be used, followed by the page number.

All in all I've applied mostly a light touch to this article, wikifying, making minor changes to word choices, edited some headings, re-arranged the order of some content to make things flow better, and rephrased certain parts to make things tighter. My view is that the area needing most work is connecting various events in his career to make the prose flow better. If left unchanged, I think they stand as events that are presented very disjointedly and may not make good reading. Good luck. Chensiyuan 15:04, 23 July 2007 (UTC)