User:Andrew Winston
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Andrew Winston, born on the 29th of September, 1992, is currently an average joe who is still doing nothing with his life. He has several friends, one of whom is a Hungarian, and the other has many theories, all of which may be correct. Both of these people were obsessed with what they call a "passage" but have now retracted the statement.
While he has friends, he also has an arch-enemy, whose name will not be revealed. The person is criminally annoying, cocky and an all-round little gay person. Andrew Winston has recently discovered that the annoying little poofter likes to put his "key" in manly house's "back doors" Recently he has openly admitted to having a farm, which he has apparently "very squeezable cows" The cows produce a very toxic, disgusting substance known as "Special Sauce" He also is searching for a mysterious house, which have the "keys to the kingdom" Between you and me, the kingdom is a word used by a MALE (hint hint)
The Cow Farmer, formerly shown here riding to the barn to squeeze his cows. Although he squeezes cows, when he is busy entering back doors he has "robots" to help him. Also notice he rides a tricycle like a little girl, the reason being that he uses the bell on it to arouse himself. The Farmer turns into a Gollum-like creature when he hasn't entered a back door in a few days, but the ring being replaced by a back door. If in extreme circumstances he doesn't break into a back door for more than a week, the Farmer will be close to suicidal.
Recently, the person in question (which will never be revealed) is not being a good sport about this page, created solely for the purpose of comedy. So if you're reading this, I have a clear and simple message: GO SUCK A BIN YOU POOF!
Warning: If you take offence to this, you must be on some form of drug and are therefore an idiotic person being sucked by a bin-sucker. If you try to harm the author in any way you will be declared "King Poofter" on site, and in the event of that happening, you will be punished to the full extent of the law, which could mean the death penalty in the U.S and in Australia, being branded a gay for life, although some people may think that being branded a gay is a priviledge. I'm sure you know who i'm taking about, but you don't know for sure.
The Cow Farmer also denies the fact that he wants to go into the "kingdom" with his "keys to the kingdom". After my study I have found that the kingdom is most likely a heavily locked back door, which the Farmer has managed to enter. He calls it a "kingdom" because it arouses him more than any other door he has broken in to. Although he denies it, we all know that he likes breaking and entering into other people's back doors, he never likes the front, because that's what a NORMAL person would do. But he prefers his big, manly houses and likes to sneak through the back door to achieve maximum gayness.
I also discovered that once the Farmer is in the manly house, he goes to the fridge (as he calls it) and gets a bottle of "special sauce". Who knows what that is? He also recently yelled at one of his own friends, just because we displayed his imperfections. Talk about a little as the french say "la bitch". This person is also believed to be the creator of the game "soggy chips", although he denies creating it, blaming it on poor little snobs from private schools. I have continued research on this bizarre ritual, which isn't being supported by him, even though he told us about it himself.
As mentioned above, the Farmer becomes a Gollum-type creature when he hasn't milked his cows for their special sauce or hasn't entered a back door in a few days. If it is more than a few days, he soon goes into involuntary spasms and convulsions, in which he yells "I need special suace" over and over. One of the only ways to stop this is to play "soggy chips"
Another method to stop it is for him to enter his "recreation suit" which he enters ,once he has achieved maximum arousement. The recreation suit is different to the tricycle suit, but both items have a mask. In the recreation suit however, when he exhales and inhales, it sounds mechanical, the reason being because he is aroused, he cannot breathe properly.
The Farmer is believed to have been horribly mutilated in an accident, although he probably was born that way. Also, the Farmer as well as enjoying special sauce, is a known user of chocolate, which supposedly, like the bell, arouses him. He showed this when he was offered chocolate, and immediately became excited and then begging for it. He manangs to mix melted chocolate and special sauce to create a substance, which arouses him more than most things and prepares him to enter back doors. If his key (estimated to be three millimetres or less, as told by the Farmer) is damaged by any form of contact, he has his hired help who also serves as a locksmith, who repairs his key.
Despite the fact he looks like a burns victim, he must have the strength of some small mammal, as he cried when a ball (attracted to him) hit him in the testicular region (non-existent on him) he cried like the sissy girl that he is. Also, the Farmer cried when a ball hit him in the arm (at this stage he was believed to have been milkng his cows (and or robots) earlier in the day.
Quite recently, the accused Farmer has created his own article about myself. It is a complete and utter disgrace to the name of comedy and I urge you to stay away. He has also unsuccessfully attempted to copy the originality of this page. Oddly, it has recently been deleted for reasons which I have not yet known of. It had many disgusting articles, such as a how-to guide to entering a back door. He explicitly gave names of people (without permission) and even claims that I "kiss the ass of a friend of mine and I find it difficult to pay people out. I will clarify this. Firstly, I find it with great ease that I pay the Farmer out. Secondly, the Farmer is unfortunately in denial; as it seems he can not come up with any material and decides to thieve other people's ideas. Better luck next time Farmer!
Lately, the Farmer has not been able to restrain himself, as he has been attempting to use his tongue for bizarre and morbid rituals, so my guess is he is also using it to attempt to milk his cows (i still have not found out how he could perfrom this ritual)
During the past few months, he hasn't talked about his cows (one of the reasons may be that he was too gay for the cows and they ran off) His latest endeavour is to attempt to prove he is not a complete psycho, midget sized little homo by "trying" to get someone (probably a girl) to like him. In a shocking attempt to try and succeed, he has been using aliases such as "The ScoutMaster" to prove that he has at least some non- mentally retarded aspects about him.
As well as "The Scoutmaster" he has recently been comparing himself, to the late Alfalfa, even using a picture of Alfalfa to prove he isn't retarded. He has been increasing been trying to ask someone out, though at every attempt he ends up being like the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz.
It seems that "operation ask someone out to prove they're not a TOTAL POOF" has failed. This comes as no suprise, because the Scoutmaster didn't have any chance, social skills or mental capacity to even try to ask anyone out.
I have recently been told of the Farmer's secret lair, ironically on Brokeback Mountain. It has not been discovered what bizarre, homosexual rituals that Farmer has performed there.
Recently, the Farmer has been quite rude to the author of this article, saying things like "his immune system is so weak he will die if he gets a cold" The poor little, ugly, stupid Farmer attempted to undermime my use of this article because the Farmer was jealous of my superior intelligence. I mean come on, what kind of a poof would say that. Obviously a big prick!
I really should have mentioned this before, but the Farmer has an uncanny and annoying habit of copying everyone he comes into contact with. Like an annoying, small retarded sponge he is absorbing all of my friend's remarkable talent and using them without my friend's permission. My theory is that he has no personality, and he needs to steal everyone else's to seem "cool"
This author has tried to make contact with the Farmer to gather more information on him, but he has been evading an interview and hiding like a little sissy poof. When this author has tried to contact him, he has run off like a sissy homo poof.
During the period of October 2007, the Farmer has performed a very strange and out-of-character act. He has somehow become popular with many of my associates and friends. Despite many warnings by this author, such as "Why the hell do you think that retarded freak is cool?" They have still not stayed away from the Farmer. So I now believe that the Farmer is using its gay powers to put these poor people into a state of hypnosis.
THE ORIGINS OF THE FARMER
Because we already know so much about the Farmer's recent activites, I thought it was time to find out about his origins.
In recent weeks, this author has discovered the origins of the Farmer. It appears he crash-landed on Earth around 1992 as an alien from Gaytopia, a planet where everyone is very, very homosexual. He was not known as the Farmer, but as King Poofter the Gay. He has recently been trying to re-build his space shuttle out of alfoil to return to Gaytopia and once again live with his homosexual friends. As King of Gaytopia, the Farmer was able to break into any back door he wanted, which is why he really wished he was back in Gaytopia.
THE HOMO CODE
The Farmer, towards the end of the year, has displayed a variety of anti-Catholic remarks. This author has discovered the reason for this. The Farmer has formulated a protocol known as "The Homo Code", which is the equivalent to the Bible for the Farmer. The Code dictates that any anti-gay institutions, no matter how large, must be stopped at all costs.
And now, due to popular demand, I have created and re-altered THE BIG GALLERY OF THE FARMER!
P.S: Due to unforseeabke circumstances, the gallery of the Farmer is now formatted differently. You now just have to click on a link to see the picture
Here is a portrait of the Farmer, just after he's milked his cows.
This charming picture of the Farmer was taken shortly after he was rejected by the "girl" he supposedly liked. There is an uncanny resemblence between him and Darth Vader. There is a high probability they are brothers.
Another wondeful photo of the Farmer, in this instance he has not had his morning serving of special sauce, and becomes an Orc freak.
This photo is one of the Farner's robots, which he uses to perform weird and bizarre rituals in his lair on Brokeback Mountain.
This photo was taken shortly after the Farmer was rejected for approximately the 4th time by a girl. Notice how he now seems, to be a short, high-pitched rat-creature. It is believed that he cried for 2 days after he was rejected.
This picture was discovered at the Farmer's lair on Brokeback Mountain. After extensive healing and after the Farmer broke into at least 200 back doors, this is about as good-looking as the Farmer will ever be.
Image:An ewok.jpg
This is a rare snapshot of the type of prey the Farmer attacks and breaks in to. As you can see, the Farmer prefers short, weak prey as he can not take down anything bigger than this without his "helper" robots.
One of the many aspects of the Farmer. In this instance, he is wearing a pig-like costume and is very aroused by it. You may not be able to see it in this picture, but when he is very aroused he begins to drool "special sauce".
COMMENTS
Due to the popularity of this page, people are now welcome to comment about my page, or offer advice to make the page even better. To add a comment, simply press the edit this page button at the top of the page, then scroll down and post your comment.
Matt - LOL...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Freakin' awsome page winston... I like the pics. lol. 9.5 out of 10. I would give you 10/10 but i'm feeling like being annoying...:P. Well, keep up the good work. Szia
Matt - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that last pic is FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!THAT IS FRIGGAN HI-LARIOUS...LMAO...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Nice to see you keeping up the good work!!!! lol! Szia
